Dark Road
by Drdiagnostic
Summary: This story was written after the season five finale and involves House's journey to mental health, detox and his journey to Cuddy.
1. Chapter 1

_"Dark Road"_

_By Drdiagnostic_

**CHAPTER ONE:**

On what was supposed to be a happy occasion, Cuddy felt quite the opposite. Sitting through Cameron and Chase's wedding ceremony was pure torture for her, since all that she could think about was House and his future. Although she managed to maintain her composure throughout the day, there were those private moments where a trip to change Rachel's diaper turned into a private moment of mourning. Once she emerged from the confines of her lavatory sanctuary, those questioned if she was okay. With a half-hearted smile she would simply answer with a "yes" and attributed her red, swollen eyes to allergy issues. After dinner at the reception, Cuddy could take it no longer. She needed to leave, especially after seeing the soft kisses exchanged between the happy newlyweds. Seeing that display only brought back memories of her kiss with House when he came to her in a vulnerable time of need. All she kept thinking was "where am I" in his time of need. She wondered how she could be sitting here taking part in this occasion of embracing a new life, when the man she cared for deeply was suddenly seeing his world come crashing down before him? She then proceeded to excuse herself and, with Rachel in arm, departed for what was going to be the longest ride home of her life even though the ride itself was not long at all. As she drove home, tears began to glisten in her eyes as she recalled those last moments she spent with him in her office after he confessed to her that he was "not okay."In a flashback, she recalled her final exchange with him before bringing him to Wilson.

Upon hearing House's confession to her that he was "not okay," Cuddy instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck and upper back, giving him the most comforting hug her emotions could muster.

Accepting her embrace, tears welling in his eyes but not falling, he softly whispered in her ear, "I'm so sorry."

"I know you are," were the words she managed to form though a light stream of tears.

Continuing to seek absolution for his actions he says, "I never meant to hurt you."

"I know you didn't," She answered him holding back her tears.

He responded by saying in between pauses, "I don't know what I'd do without you. I need you. I always need you."

"And I'm always here for you, House. You know that," She says. "I would never let you go through anything alone."

In that moment, she was feeling his pain and couldn't help but feel guilty for not seeing the signs of his anguish sooner. She knew something was terribly wrong and she needed to get to the bottom of the situation before House really found himself lost. Breaking from their embrace, Cuddy rubbed the sides of his arms, stroked the right side of his face with her hand, and gently guided him to the couch.

Upon taking their seats, she to his right, Cuddy proceeded to gently take his hand in hers and softly pleaded, "Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

Trying to get his bearings together, scared to look into her eyes, he softly answered her, "I've been hallucinating….but now…I'm having delusions. I'm starting to believe in things that never happened, although they felt so real to me. I'm losing it, Cuddy….and I'm scared. I need help"

Of all the sides of House she'd seen in her life, this was something she had never witnessed previously. His deteriorating state of mind and overall being was not only frightening to him but to her as well. For him to even confess that he needed help told her that things were far more serious than she thought. He was desperate to a point where he couldn't overcome it. There was never a time in her life where she felt more helpless than she did right at that moment. But as always, she needed to be the strong one.

Holding his hand in her right, she took her left hand and rubbed his back offering words of comfort as best she could to him, "It's going to be okay. We'll get through this together. I promise. I won't let you go through this alone. We'll get you some help and everything will be okay."

Even though she uttered these words, deep in heart she questioned the truth in them. To her House was in a dark place. A place in which she never envisioned him being during any period of his life no matter how messed up he was.

She says to him, "Come on. Let's go talk to Wilson." She helped him up and walked with him to Wilson's office, resting her left hand on the small of his back for comfort. Before opening the door to Wilson's office, the last thought on her mind was "where do we go from here."

Suddenly, Cuddy was awakened from her flashback by the sound of a car horn signaling her that the light had turned green. She proceeded home but her thoughts of House refused to cease for the rest of her journey.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO:**

After changing into sweats and putting Rachel to bed, Cuddy collapsed into uncontrollable sobs on her living room couch. The stress and heartache of all that had happened hit her like a freight train. She continued grabbing tissue after tissue for hours until the pace was slowed by the ringing of the telephone. After taking a few deep breaths, Cuddy picked up the phone and answered with a weak "hello." The voice on the other line happened to be Wilson's.

Concerned about her, Wilson inquired, "Are you okay?"

It seemed ironic that the question she asked House was now posed to her by their close friend Wilson. What seemed more ironic was Cuddy's answer to Wilson.

"No, I'm not okay." She then broke down on the phone.

It seemed rather symbolic that Cuddy had given Wilson the exact same response that House had given her. It just served as true proof to the similar personalities these two individuals shared and the pain they were both enduring right now even though they were far apart.

Sensing her anguish Wilson quickly responded, "I'm coming over." He then hung up the receiver and made his way to Cuddy's house.

In a matter of minutes, Wilson arrived at Cuddy's. Hearing his knock, Cuddy got up to open the door. Upon seeing his face on the other side, all Cuddy could do was collapse in his arms much as he did when Amber was at death's door.

As Wilson hugged her, Cuddy managed to let out a small cry of anguish uttering, "Oh God, Wilson."

Trying to console her as best he could, without breaking down himself, he rubbed her back and repeated softly, "It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay."

They stood like that for a few minutes until Wilson decided to usher her to the couch.

"Come on." He said sweetly as he guided her there.

Once they sat down, she leaned on his shoulder with her left hand on his chest. He put his left arm around her shoulders and his right around her waist. Gently, he rested his chin on her head as she continued to cry.

Again he tried to calm her, "He's going to be okay. This could be a good thing for him."

She sat up, to look him square in the eyes, and questioned, "How could it possibly be good for him, Wilson? You know he relies on his mind for _everything_. How could losing the _one thing_ he depends on in his life be good?"

"You know how he is. He bottles everything up. His mind was in a million different places these past several months and, as usual, he continued to deflect and be a stubborn ass. Things were bound to explode at some point. Between the leg pain and the emotional stress, things get to be too much for him, he starts taking _way _too much Vicodin again and all hell breaks loose."

She retorts, "Not this much, Wilson. Not like this." She begins to wipe her tear-soaked face as she says, "What's going to happen to him? How is he going to _function_ without his puzzles, without people he trusts around him…..dealing with pain that will drain him and leave him in some heap….alone….in the cold confines of some psychiatric institution? This is not the way it's supposed to be. He's supposed to be here…being an ass….pushing people away until he comes to his senses…..maybe locked up in a jail cell…..not an institution."

Again, Cuddy becomes overcome by her emotions after expressing the latter thoughts and a small stream of tears begins to fall gently down her face again. Seeing her like this, knowing House's own delusion about her and dealing with his own hurt of not being able to help House this time, Wilson himself is overwhelmed by grief and quietly weeps with her.

In between sniffs he tells Cuddy, "You're right. It's not supposed to be like this, but we'll get through this together. We not only have to be strong for his sake, but everyone else's once they find out what's happened. It's not going to be easy, but it's something we're going to have to do in order to keep ourselves from falling apart. He certainly wouldn't want us crying for him. He'd want us to be pissed at him for letting things get this far."

With that last remark, Cuddy looked up at Wilson and let out a small laugh and so did Wilson.

Wilson continued, "This is the best thing for him. He's in a place where they're not going to take his crap….where he can't manipulate anyone…where he can't scam anyone for Vicodin and… where he'll get the help he needs. As much as he despises the profession of psychiatry and psychotherapy, he may find it somewhat helpful this time."

Cuddy adds, "I doubt that he'll be very forthcoming. I'm sure he'll hurl a few insults and complain that the psychotherapist is an idiot or a moron, but God I hope I'm wrong, Wilson. Medicine is all he thinks he has. If he can't practice anymore, I'm afraid to know what it'll do to him. He needs to be so serious about this, because his career is on the line this time and I don't know if I can help him."

"I think he really is aware of what's at stake this time. He knows that the games are over and that he has to finally be an adult for his own sake. So, if it's any consolation, I think he _is_ serious this time…for a lot of reasons…not just because of his career, but mostly because I think he doesn't want to fail at the things that will bring him happiness," Wilson says to her.

What Cuddy didn't realize was that Wilson had been thinking about how happy House's delusion about her made him. Wilson knew in his heart that House loved Cuddy after the conversations he had had with House that fateful day. House was the most confident and determined about Cuddy as he had ever seen his friend to be. The glimmer in House's eyes and his willingness to throw away Cuddy's coffee cup in favor of wanting her and not the puzzle, led Wilson to feel that what House was experiencing was very real even though his story was not. You just can't fake that kind of euphoria and love for another human being, he thought. Even though House handed his possessions over to Wilson that afternoon, the possessions House did keep were his thoughts of Cuddy; and this is something Wilson felt in his heart to be true, for Cuddy was House's inspiration for wanting to make his life better in the hopes of a more promising future.

Wilson's thoughts were then interrupted by Cuddy saying, "I hope you're right Wilson, because I'm afraid to know what will happen if you're wrong."

Wilson stayed for a little while longer until he felt Cuddy was okay to be left alone. Once Wilson departed, Cuddy retired to her bedroom. There she happened to spy a rare picture of House and her at a hospital function. She remembered how he only came because he had lost a bet with her and there was free booze. Amazingly, he hadn't been drunk in the picture. He just decided to slide his hand to her ass once the photographer got to the count of three to take the picture. His action produced a devilish smile from him and even a smile from her over his brazen action. For a moment she smiled at the captured memory, as she stroked her fingers across the picture. It was in that instant she realized just how much he meant to her and how much she loved him. She then closed her eyes, wrapped her arms around the picture and imagined herself with her arms wrapped around him. Opening her eyes after creating that peaceful moment of imagery, she put her fingers to her lips, kissed them, and gently placed them on House's face in the picture. She placed the picture on her nightstand, turned off the soft light of her lamp and finally fell asleep with her thoughts and dreams focused on him.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE:**

It had been a few days since House had been committed to the Mayfield Psychiatric Institution and colleagues had been questioning his absence at the hospital. At Princeton Plainsboro, House was the only doctor you knew was missing due to his legendary personality and _cheery_ disposition; and even though everyone had questioned his disappearance, the majority of the hospital employees enjoyed the peace and quiet for a change. However, Foreman, Thirteen and Taub were not among that majority. After two days of working in the ER and clinic, House's staff began trying to get to the bottom of House's abrupt disappearance.

"I wonder what's going on with House. He hasn't been here in two days." Thirteen questioned.

Absorbed in a newspaper article, Taub sarcastically responded, "He's either hiding from a bookie, a pimp or is in a Vicodin induced coma."

Foreman observed, "He didn't show up for Cameron and Chase's wedding and it's not like him to skip out on a night of free booze and mocking."

"Come to think of it, Wilson never showed up either." Thirteen remarked.

Still not looking up from the newspaper, Taub responded, "Don't start jumping to conclusions. I asked Cuddy where Wilson was and she told me he had a prior commitment. As for House, he probably figured seeing that much happiness in one day would nauseate him and decided to stay home and wallow in his usual misery with a bottle of bourbon at his side."

Thirteen starts getting a little irritated with Taub's lack of concern and says, "I can't believe you aren't the least bit concerned about House not showing up for work for two days."

Taub drops the paper and answers her, "I'm not concerned, because it's probably his way of waging another war with Cuddy. He doesn't show up for two days, she comes begging for him to come back because she can't lose her star diagnostician and then we're back to normal again…being degraded and called idiots. End of saga."

Taub begins reading the paper again.

Foreman observes, "I agree that House has pulled a lot of crap around here, but something doesn't feel right this time. I keep thinking about how distant Cuddy seemed at the wedding. Every time we started a conversation, she seemed to zone out and we'd have to snap her back out of it. I just have a feeling that something might _actually_ be wrong this time."

At that last remark by Foreman, Cuddy walked into the DDX room. After debating back and forth concerning the situation, Cuddy had finally decided what to do and what to say. Knowing this wasn't going to be easy, she proceeded with great care and caution, so as not to let House's secret reveal itself. Yet, the look on her face told the story of a serious problem.

Choosing her words carefully, she began to speak. "I thank you all for being so patient these last few days. I know that you are all probably wondering where House is or maybe you aren't. I don't know. But I'm here to tell you that Dr. House is taking a leave of absence."

Shocked Thirteen says, "Leave of absence! Why? What's going on?"

Cuddy says, "I can't tell you due to confidentiality, though I wish I could. Just understand that his leave of absence is something that needed to happen."

Confused Taub inquires stoically, "This wouldn't have anything to do with him shouting he had sex with you from the hospital balcony would it?"

Cuddy, a bit annoyed by the insinuation, responds, "This is not personal. This was House's own decision, and right now it's for the best."

Thirteen asks, "How long is he going to be gone?"

Cuddy quietly answers, "I don't know."

Concerned Foreman asks, "What are we supposed to do?"

Cuddy addresses the group, "I've put a plan in place. Right now Dr. Foreman will be in charge. Everything that is to be done will be under his watch. Every decision that needs to be made will be made through him."

Thirteen wonders," But we can still get in touch with House if there's a problem?"

Cuddy answers her, "I'm afraid you will be unable to have contact with Dr. House. Due to his current situation, he will not be in communication with this hospital. Unfortunately, you will be on your own."

In a bit of a cool panic, Taub asks, "And what if we get a case we can't solve? Just let the patient die? Sounds like a great plan to me."

Cuddy tries to calm the tension that she feels beginning to build in the room by saying, "You will have access to every doctor in this hospital including myself. But remember something, House wouldn't have chosen you if he didn't think you were capable of handling things under pressure. You all have something to offer here. In his eyes, you are the _best_ doctors for the job. He has faith in you and so do I."

With a bit of a concerned look in his eyes, Foreman asks Cuddy, "Can I talk to you privately a minute?"

She answers him, "Sure."

Foreman then follows Cuddy into House's office as Thirteen and Taub try to digest what's happening.

Taub's arrogance at the beginning of the conversation now turns to worry, "What do you think is going on?"

Thirteen answers, "I don't know. But whatever it is, it can't be good."

We then are transported to House's office. Looking at Cuddy with a bit of a scared look in his eyes, Foreman reacts," I don't know if I'm ready to do this."

Putting a hand on his shoulder she says, "Of course you are. You studied under House and you know what he would do. He respects you and would feel completely confident in having you lead his team." She drops her hand from his shoulder and continues, "He really needs you to do this for him right now, Foreman. The situation is _not_ good and I need everyone pulling together as best they can to keep things moving forward around here."

Foreman questions Cuddy again, "What is going on? Why can't you at least tell _me_? I promise I won't say a word. Does this still have to do with Kutner's death…or Wilson sitting in on his differentials?"

A bit perplexed Cuddy reacts, "Wilson was sitting in on House's differentials? When was this?"

Foreman answers, "Several days ago. I thought you knew."

Cuddy a bit nervous and slightly annoyed asks, "No, I didn't know."

He says to her, "I was suspicious at first that something was wrong, but Wilson acted like everything was fine. If there was something wrong, I figured that House at least took the responsibility to tell Wilson and Wilson would handle it or tell you about it. So, I didn't think anything of it after that." Foreman pauses for a minute and then continues, "Just tell me something. Is House okay?"

Holding back her emotions, trying to be a pillar of strength, she responds, "I wish I could tell you, but I can't. All I'll tell you is that he's having some serious troubles right now and has gone to take care of them. It was a difficult decision for him not to be here, but he needed to get as far away from this place as possible. In the meantime, House would be glad to know that his department is in the most capable hands possible. I have faith in you Foreman. I wouldn't have hired you back otherwise. You already have adopted his keen sense of observation based on what you just told me. You can do this. I _need_ you to do this."

Foreman nods in acknowledgement. She gives Foreman a quick rub on the side of his arm, inconspicuously picks up House's tennis ball from his desk, and exits the office.

Sometime later, we find Cuddy nervously pacing back and forth in her office, tossing the tennis ball she swiped from House's office. For Cuddy, having that tennis ball was keeping a piece of him around to help _her_ think. Her frantic pacing is quickly thwarted by a knock at her office door.

The door opens and poking his head in is Wilson asking, "You wanted to see me."

Still playing with House's tennis ball, she answers Wilson without looking, "Yes. Sit."

By the tone of her voice, Wilson can tell that she's not too happy. He takes a seat on her couch.

Treading carefully he asks her, "Is everything okay?"

On his question, she stops dead in her tracks, looks at him and answers him annoyed, "No. Everything is not okay." She puts the tennis ball on her desk with great force to punctuate her anger.

She then asks, "Why didn't you tell me you were sitting in on his differentials, Wilson? That's when he told you he was hallucinating? Wasn't it? Is there anything else I don't know?"

Squirming in his seat a bit, he knows that he has to answer her. She deserves to at least know some things. So he proceeds to answer her question.

"Well….he put himself into insulin shock that day. Thankfully, he called me before he did it." Wilson tells her.

"Oh my God, Wilson! How did I not find out about this?" She asks rather angry at the secrecy.

"I admitted him under a pseudonym, so you wouldn't be suspicious…and….tipped the nurses to keep them quiet." He tells her.

Irritated she says to him, "I can't believe you hid this from me, Wilson. Just when I thought House was the bigger ass…..along comes his sidekick Robin!" She pauses for a minute and begins pacing the floor again. "You know we tell each other _everything_ when there is a problem with House. Then, we could both try to solve it together. Instead, the problem exploded and we're left picking up the body parts."

Wilson tries to calm her down, "Lisa, I didn't want to tell you because I knew you had a lot on your plate that day….meetings with donors, the board and the planning committee for construction of the new wing. Plus, you also have a real baby to take care of and can't be worrying about House all the time."

Wilson didn't realize that at that moment, he touched upon the real thing that has been nagging her about this whole situation…..the fact that her life took precedence over her abilities to notice House had a problem and her ignorance over not being able to realize he needed he help to solve it. It's something that never happened previously and, as a result, caused a catastrophe in her eyes. Using Wilson as her priestly guide, she took her turn in the Princeton Plainsboro confessional.

Cuddy says to him, with this calm distant look on her face as she faces her window, "That was the problem Wilson. I was too pre-occupied with everything going on in my life to see his pain."

Just as she had done during those quiet periods of her day, she stared out the window lost in thought .

She continued, "He came to me that night for help, but I was too tired to care. Too tired to notice that he wasn't being sarcastic when he told me that he'd quit. He was angry with me and made that rude comment, because I didn't notice that he was trying to get my attention. How could I blame him for that?" She pauses, trying to hold back the tears. She continues, "I'm not angry at you, Wilson. I'm angry at myself."

Cuddy crosses her arms in front of her, closes her eyes, and gently tosses her head back to take a deep breath so she doesn't break down. She turns around and exhales, but it still doesn't stop a light stream of tears from cascading down her face. Wilson gets up and goes over to her. He stands in front of her and gently places his hands on each arm to get her to look at him.

Once she does open her eyes to look at him, Wilson softly tells her, "You can't blame yourself for what happened. If you continue to feel guilty, you're going to end up just like him. We can only help him so many times….._you_ can only help him so many times….. Now, it's _his_ turn to help himself. Trust me when I tell you that he doesn't blame you for what happened. What's important is that you were there when he needed you at the moment when he really needed you. And that's all that matters. Right now we need to focus on what we're going to do when we can see him again, because he's going to go through hell the next several weeks. He's probably there now as he detoxes. He's going to be in pain, cranky, irritable and an even bigger pain in the ass than he already is until things become manageable again. In the meantime, we need to send him our support. We can't see him for while, but we can write to him. That may be the only thing that keeps him somewhat sane." He rubs her shoulders and says to her, "It's going to be a dark road for him for awhile. But remember that there's always some kind of light at the end of it. He may not believe that, so we have to believe it for him. "

Cuddy looks at him with a smile and gives him a hug. Once they break Wilson questions aloud, "I just wish we could somehow monitor his progress, but you need authorization in order to do that." Then, Wilson is hit with a House-like epiphany. "Wait a minute." He points to Cuddy and says, "You're still listed as his doctor on his medical files aren't you?"

"Yes…wh….wait a minute. You want me to check up on him? Are you sure that's a good idea?" Cuddy asks.

"It's sneaky….underhanded…..and something House would totally do if it were one of us….I mean…..aside from hiring a private investigator." He remarks sarcastically.

Cuddy is a bit reluctant, "I don't know Wilson. This is a serious situation for him right now. It's not like he's hiding from the police or his mother."

"No….but it's the only way we can find out how he's doing. It's kind of like getting the cliff notes before a test. Only we're dealing with House which is far more complicated. So, I'd at least like to know what I'm in for before I see him."

"Okay." She says. "Next week, I'll make a call. I'm just afraid of what I'll hear."


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR:**

A dark road indeed it had been for House thus far, as he was now in his own personal prison both metaphorically and literally. The light gray confines of the Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital weren't exactly a comfort. But thankfully House found himself in a place which specialized in dual diagnosis to take care of both his mental struggles and Vicodin addiction simultaneously. In addition to the trained medical specialists in addiction and psychiatry, they also had a pain management specialist which House would surly need in the future for the chronic pain which he endures as a result of his infarction surgery. This facility wasn't your everyday place. It was a new modern facility which Wilson found and Cuddy knew well, as a result of a symposium she attended dealing with dual diagnosis and treatment programs. Little did Cuddy know that her attendance at that symposium may very well have saved House's life. Unfortunately, he may not see it that way at first. You see, in order to obtain his heaven, House needed to go through the hell of detoxification. For House this was a process that would have him begging for death rather than endure the pain and suffering that he knew was in store for him. Yet, in his mind, he felt that those close to him suffered more than enough on his behalf and this was what he owed them as well as himself. His own words echoed in his mind from that moment he spent on the white bus with a more angelic Amber…."I don't want to be in pain. I don't want to be miserable." Yes, House figured that you can't always get what you want. But if you do try sometimes, you get what you need. And what he needed was a better outlook for his life, but it was going to be long road….a dark road…one in which he needed to be mentally and physically ready to tackle.

Away from his Vicodin for three days, House was going through just about all of the nasty side effects of the detoxification process…..nausea, sweats, tremors, vomiting, runny nose, watery eyes, excruciating pain and a craving for Vicodin among a host of others. Thankfully, he was under a twenty-four hour medical watch due to the severity of his condition. It was a good thing too, since things at times got downright nasty.

House was sitting at the side of his hospital bed clad in pajama bottoms and a t-shirt, hooked up to an IV, grabbing his leg screaming in pain. Upon hearing his cries, the male nurse rushed into the room to assist him.

Seeing him enter, House screamed at him, "Give me my damn Vicodin you son of a bitch!" He continued to grab his leg, the pain grappling him like a vice tightening its grip, squeezing until it felt like his leg was ready to explode.

The nurse came over to him trying to calm him saying, "You know we can't do that. Try to take a deep breath and relax."

House thought to himself, "relax my ass." He then ripped the IV from his arm, causing blood to squirt everywhere from the bed to the floor. He pushed the nurse out of the way and limped for the door. Hearing the commotion, another male nurse entered the room and grabbed House from the front, preventing his escape. It was in that moment that a sweat soaked House vomited on the floor and collapsed, crying in pain.

Leaning against the bed frame, while on the floor with his leg stretched out grabbing it, he cried, "Just let me die! Please just let me die!" He then grabbed his stomach, hunched over and vomited again.

As he sat there on the floor, crying, he uttered, "I need her. I need her here now."

A female nurse with a syringe in hand kneels down and asks House, "Who do you need?"

Just then the image of Amber appears to him saying in his ear, "She can't help you. She doesn't want to help you. All you do is cause her pain and misery." Holding up a Vicodin bottle, rocking it back and forth, she says tauntingly, "This is your only salvation. Your one true love that'll never let you down and you know it."

"Stop it! Stop it!" He yells at the hallucination of Amber as he blocks his ears.

Amber taunts him more, "You're all alone. You always will be. No one's going to save you, because you aren't worth saving."

Tears in his eyes, he tells her more softly this time, "Leave me alone. Please leave me alone. You aren't real. She's real. I need her."

"Funny…..she wasn't real that night. She was only a delusion of what you can never have. The truth is she hates you. That's why you had to make real what wasn't….because it'll never happen. You're nothing but a fraud. A scamming, cheating fraud." Amber says in a condescending tone.

"Shut up! Shut up you manipulative bitch!" He yells again at her.

Amber sings in a sinister tone, "House and Cuddy sitting in a tree…..he pushes her off and watches her bleed."

House, blocking his ears again lets out a blood curdling scream and all goes dark.

In his mind, House knew that the nurse had given him a sedative to help calm him and to help him sleep. In his dreams, he was comforted by her presence…..Cuddy's presence. Dressed in an all white dress with a soft glow to her, she came to him as he lay sleeping. He could feel her stroke his face.

In his dream he awoke to find her there, sitting at the foot of his bed smiling, saying softly to him, "It's going to be okay. I'm here. I'm always here."

He says to her, "I miss you. I can't do this on my own."

Offering her support she says, "Of course you can. I know you're scared but you're strong. When you feel lost, think of me. I'm always in your mind. I'll never leave you no matter what."

He pleads to her, "Promise me."

She smiles and says, "I promise." In his dream, she leans over and kisses him on the forehead ever so gently as he closes his eyes, feeling the warmth of her soft lips touching him.

Suddenly the peacefulness of his dream is disrupted by Amber telling Cuddy, "He doesn't need you. He needs his Vicodin. You can't replace that."

"Leave him alone." Cuddy orders her.

"Or what? You gonna kill me? Sorry but he already did that." She taunts.

Cuddy looks at her in defense of House and says, "It was an unfortunate accident. He didn't kill you. A garbage truck and flu pills did."

"That's what you want to believe, but you know the truth. _He_ knows the truth." She tells her. "Why do you think I'm here? For my health? He's nothing but a virus sucking the life out of everyone."

In his dream, House says to Cuddy rather dejected, "She's right. I am."

Cuddy quickly turns to him, placing her hand on his face, and says, "No she's not. Don't listen to her."

Amber, seeing that she's getting to House, says, "See, he doesn't want you. He knows what he wants".

She suddenly has Vicodin in her hands again and rocks it back and forth.

House weak says to Amber, "No, I don't want them.

Amber gets closer to him and cunningly says, "Sure you do."

Cuddy says to Amber sternly, "Get away from him."

Amber continues to goad and taunt him, "Come on. You know what'll happen if you give them up in favor of her. You'll lose. You always do."

House starts to shiver and stutters, "That's….not….true."

"Sure it is." She says. "You aren't worthy of her. And you know she'll never love you no matter how hard you try."

"House," Cuddy pleads as she strokes his face. "Don't listen to her. You know I love you."

Amber rolls her eyes in disgust, "Oh please….you're just hospital property to her. Nothing more. You never will be. She doesn't care about your quality of life. She just cares about the donations she'll lose and the lawsuits she'll face when patients die without you." Amber then holds up a Vicodin pill, "This little baby on the other hand deeply cares about your quality of life, because without it, you might as well put a gun to your head like Kutner did."

House counters, "It's not true. She cares about me and worries about me. She always has. I am _not _just hospital property to her."

Cuddy tries to get him to focus. She grabs his hand and says, "That's it. Now, look at me. Don't look at her." House's gaze turns to Cuddy as he holds her hands tightly.

Amber starts getting angry, "You can believe what you want to, but your subconscious knows the truth. You can't fight it House. I win. I always win no matter who gets hurt in the process!" In his dream Amber makes the lights go out.

Suddenly, House finds himself in a morgue with Amber who bitterly says, "You know what's going to happen if you stop. You're going to do to her what you did to me." On that Amber flings a sheet off a deceased body to reveal that it's Cuddy's.

Upon seeing Cuddy's lifeless body, House screams, "No! No!"

Appearing in Amber's hand is a noose to which she says to House in an evil tone," Take it. You're going to need it."

Throwing himself unto Cuddy's dead body, he breaks down, then throws his head back and yells into the air, "No!"

House then bolts up in the bed in a cold sweat, awakened from the nightmare, tears welling in his eyes and convulsing. On seeing his heart rate skyrocket from another room, some female nurses rush in to check on him and the room fades to black.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5:**

After enduring the hell of detox, House had his first session with the psychiatrist assigned to his case, Dr. Lorainne Scott. She was a thin, attractive, gray-haired woman in her early seventies who has pretty much seen it all in her lifetime. What she didn't realize was that she was going to be faced with her biggest challenge in the form of Dr. Gregory House. And what House didn't realize, was that this psychiatrist was far from boring which was a trait House loved in anyone with whom he came into contact. However, it was going to take a little coaxing to get the very complex Greg House to come clean with all that bothers him.

Sitting on a brown leather chair, House just stared out the window looking out into a flower garden in the office of Dr. Scott. With his elbow on the arm of the chair, and his thumb resting under his chin and his fingers resting on the side of his face in a fist, he seemed very distant and somewhat lost in his own world, much like he is when pondering a diagnosis.

It was then that Dr. Scott broke the uneasy silence by asking House an unusual question, "What are you thinking about?"

House with his usual sarcastic deflection answers her, "How I haven't had sex in about a month."

Dr. Scott counters by saying, "Not according your file. It seems you had delusional sex with your boss. You want talk about that?"

"I was watching porn before I went to bed. And since she happened to be the last person I talked to, she was the lucky girl…in more ways than one." He answered her jokingly, while giving a devilish wink.

Not one to be shocked by his comments, Dr. Scott answered him smartly, "Funny, the last time I watched porn I filled out my fantasies using a vibrator. Worked out much better than a delusion."

House gave her a sly smile and said, "I like you already."

"Good. "She answered. "Because I already know a lot about you, Greg House. So, nothing you say is going to shock me in the least…especially since I've pretty much heard it all in my seventy years on this planet. So, let's talk." She looks at some notes and comments, "It says here that when you were going through withdrawl you kept saying that you "needed her". Who were you talking about?"

Again avoiding the question he answers sarcastically, "My mother….I hadn't sucked on a good breast in awhile and withdrawl makes you quite thirsty."

"Fine….I'm not going to press you since you are a bit of a stubborn ass. But remember something, you came here for a reason Greg. And the only one who can really help you is you. If you continue like this and don't cut the crap, you're not going to get anywhere and you won't be able to practice medicine for quite some time. Is this really the situation you want to be in for the rest of your life?"

There is silence for a few minutes as House absorbs Dr. Scott's words. She reminded him of Cuddy in the way she was handling him…tough and with a slap of reality. She definitely was a perfect match for him in terms of her ability to handle his personality. He respected that, but he was still scared. It was only the second time that he would be confessing his innermost thoughts to a stranger. He'd tried to do it in New York until his plan was ruined by Wilson's discovery. Now, he knew this was his only hope. However, his heart and soul were two things he refused to easily un-cage. Therefore, he continued to deflect and keep his innermost thoughts under careful lock and key.

"Actually no. I envision myself in a situation where I'm surrounded by a bevy of big breasted hookers, feeding me grapes on an island while I'm sucking down one margarita after another." House says with dry wit.

"So, this is how you want to play House? Avoiding the issues and wasting another day of freedom? " I've got all the time in the world. How much do you have? Dr. Scott questions.

Looking at his watch he remarks, "I'd say about a good five minutes. That's when my next scheduled bowel movement is. Care to join me?"

Calm and cool, refusing to let him get under her skin she says, "Okay...that's fine. Just remember two things. One, that you are in charge of your own destiny and two...I'm the one who will be authorizing and signing the recommendation for you to practice medicine again."

"You know, you should really write greeting cards." He responds sarcastically.

"Well then...while I sit here and write my greeting card sentiments, you can sit here waiting until your session is up." Dr. Scott then proceeds to sit and jot some notes down in her file.

Waving his finger towards her notes he quips, "Make sure you write down disgustingly handsome, charming, witty, with blue eyes to die for. I want to use your notes for my next personal ad."

House then begins to sits there quietly as thoughts of Cuddy come pouring through his mind. He missed her terribly and had felt horribly about what had happened that last day though he'd never tell Scott that. As he sat there, he closed his eyes and transported himself to a world where he was by himself with a drink in his hand and a piano under his fingertips. He began to ponder about how Cuddy had saved his ass so many times that he'd lost count. And that if it weren't for her, he'd either be in jail, dead, or in some drunken, drug addicted state on the streets of New Jersey all alone in some refrigerator box. Of all the people in his life, she had this annoying ability to make him see reality while throwing the consequences in his face. And now here he was adopting his usual Mr. Congeniality attitude with Dr. Scott, while Cuddy continued to drift farther away from him. Although he understood that reality, he just couldn't let a stranger into the depths of this rat maze of personal trauma he was experiencing...at least not yet he figured. It was just too soon.

Seeing House lost in thought Dr. Scott questions, "Do you have anything you want to talk about? A book? A hobby? The weather? You did still have twenty minutes."

"Yeah, this place have cable? Big monster truck rally this weekend. Figured if I can't have a woman, I can at least masturbate to my other favorite past time." He says with a smirk.

Not to be swayed Dr. Scott shoots back," Really? Mine's the cooking channel. You don't know how hot and sticky I get when I see a warm apple pie."

With a twinkle in his eye, House gives her a devilish grin.

There's a momentary pause until he then says, "I know what you're trying to do. I'm not an idiot. You're game is trying to earn my trust by finding something we can both talk about to get the ball rolling, hoping that I'll somehow slip with some personal nugget for you to devour. What you failed to realize is that I'm pretty much a manipulative bastard. Even if I did talk to you, you'll never know what's real and what's not. You can't refuse to write it down, because it might be the truth or it might be a lie and it's your job to notate everything and decide what's what. I can play this game too. I've got less years on you and more stamina...just ask my last date. Question is...who's gonna win this game? You may have more experience, but judging by the wrinkles on your face and the arthritis in your hands, you don't have the energy. So, I guess we already know the answer to that question. You may have the time, but I guarantee you. You won't have the patience."

Dr. Scott just stared at him somewhat speechless, but not surprised. In fact she was even more intrigued. Like House she was into puzzles, but puzzles of the mind. Her instincts told her this would boil down to a mind game. Regardless, she was up to the challenge more than House realized. She knew he would be an interesting case, because of his high level of intelligence. She leans over, looking him in the eyes.

She asks, "Have you ever seen One _Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest_? Let's just say I'm more McMurphy than Nurse Ratched."

This time House is left slightly speechless and intrigued until he utters," This is gonna be fun."

The session ended and House headed back to his room where he lay on the bed with a confetti of thoughts drifting though his restless mind. He enjoyed his ability to make things into a game so as to avoid boredom. He thought about Cuddy and her patience with him when he engaged in these mind games just to get a rise out of her. He always felt that she knew how to deal with him when things went wrong. She understood his insanity and obsession with the medical puzzle. Mostly, she's been there when he need her. Despite the fact that he'd hurt her so many times, she'd never abandoned him. Even when he got into the bus accident and put himself into a coma, she stayed right at his side so he wouldn't feel alone. That's when he started to feel guilty about not having told her what was really going on with him when he started to hallucinate. It obviously wasn't a question of trust, because he always trusted her. Then, what the hell was it? Well, deep down he knew the answer to that question. It was simply a matter of failure and weakness regarding his character, he thought. She'd always put her faith in him, and he'd failed her and himself. The mighty, brilliant Dr. House was nothing but a weak, pathetic shell of a human being. At least this is how House viewed himself at the moment. He's a dysfunctional lunatic who can't imagine how he has people surrounding him who care about his life, because he certainly didn't.

His thoughts then drifted to Amber and Kutner. He wondered to himself, "For all the lives I've saved, I couldn't save hers. Amber didn't deserve to die. I did. I'm not worth anything to anyone, but she was worth it to Wilson. Why couldn't I have died in that crash? It wasn't fair. It wasn't right. Someone with a promising life like hers is worth far more, because all I am is a self-loathing, self-destructive drug addict who causes pain to everyone around him. Sometimes I get so absorbed in my own personal problems that I miss things…..like Kutner. God Kutner! How did I miss that? I notice everything and couldn't even notice that he was in trouble. How does someone with a seemingly happy life put a bullet in his brain? I was supposed to be his mentor; and because I'm too big of a jackass, he probably figured he could never come to me with a personal problem because I'd mock him. I'm so pissed at myself for not seeing the signs. Two smart, young people gone too soon, while this miserable ass still lives to cause more misery. Great circle of life. Isn't it?. Their lives cut short and here I am...a miserable son-of-a-bitch still breathing after cheating death so many times."

As light from the moon softly lights his bed, House's eyes begin to open and close as he resists the temptation to sleep. He knows it's a losing battle, but before he does his mind jumps back to the night he went to Cuddy for help when he rejected the idea of a rehab facility. He couldn't let go of the fact that he was a coward at coming clean with her that night. He was saying to himself, "Instead of telling her that I needed her, I insulted her. Why did I give her a hint by telling her I quit rather than just saying I needed her help outright? I know that throwing something ridiculous out there usually gets her to start asking questions, but she was tired and wanted to get home to her baby. Why did I have to selfishly waste her time by having her try to decode my messed up mind? I know why. It was because I was just being an ass, since I resented the fact that I took a backseat to her kid. If I had just opened up to her….then I know she would have been there to help me. Instead my own delusional mind had to insert her into my life the way_ I_ wanted her to be, because I'm too closed off to the world to make it happen for myself and too obsessed with hurt and consequences to ever feel hope. Hope? What the hell is that anyway? It's an abstract emotion and a completely unattainable ideal, because hope always eventually ends in misery somehow. Misery may love company, but in my case I'd rather be alone wallowing in it. At least then, I can't hurt anyone and no one needs to worry about me...because I'm just not worth it. "

And with those thoughts cascading through the confines of his mind, he drifts off to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6:**

Weeks had passed and House became more comfortable in his new surroundings. He kept himself busy by observing the interesting clientele Mayfield had to offer. For House, his stay was far from boring which kept him content for the time being, since he was locked away from the people who mattered to him. His curiosity about the other patients was the only thing keeping his mind busy right now. He found his best observations came from just sitting in the patient's lounge. Of course, he could also sit in that lounge indulging in one of his other obsessions….watching _Prescription Passion_. It was in that lounge where we come upon House now partaking in his favorite pastime of soap opera heaven. He sat on the couch with his arms sprawled out on top of it and his feet propped up and crossed on the table in front of him.

Unfortunately, his peacefulness was interrupted by a male orderly who announced, "Dr. House, you have a visitor."

House then turned his head to see Wilson standing behind him.

He signaled with his head, saying, "Come…sit…I don't want to miss anything."

Wilson rolled his eyes and with dry wit said, "Good to see you too." He then took a seat on the couch next to House on his left side.

Giving Wilson a quick play by play of the action on the screen while still fixated on it, House told him, "Evan is cheating on his wife Angelina with this whore named Susan. Angelina just found out and is getting ready to bitch slap Susan."

"Compelling television at its best." Wilson sarcastically remarks.

House gives him a look and counters by remarking, "Shut up, Mr. Telenovella."

He then turns his attention back to his soap where we see an attractive curly-haired blonde pull a gun on a thin, attractive straight-haired brunette.

Absorbed in the action House comments, "She's toast."

"You're really into this. Aren't you?" Wilson says.

House tells him, "Hey, it's the first time I've been able to watch this in peace without Cuddy hovering over me. So, shut up."

He then turns back to the program to notice it has ended with a "to be continued."

Frustrated House exclaims, "Damn! See what you did now. I missed the ending."

"Glad to see your overwhelming enthusiasm over me taking time out of my busy day to come see you." Wilson jokes.

House removes his feet from the table, resting them on the floor, and plops his hands on his lap.

"What did you expect? A parade?" House quips.

"A thank you maybe…I appreciate you coming….oh but I forgot "thank you" and "appreciation" aren't exactly part of your everyday vocabulary." Wilson tells him flatly.

"I figured…why ruin our friendship now with social niceties? House remarks.

There is a pause a moment.

Then Wilson asks him, "How are you feeling?"

House jokes, "Cheery, horny, pissy, bored. The usual."

"Good to see you haven't stopped deflecting." Wilson says drily.

"I must say though. Group therapy is interesting." House comments.

Wilson surprised says, "Oh?"

"Yep. See that guy right there. "House nods his head to a scruffy salt and peppered hair guy with a flannel shirt on playing checkers with another patient.

Wilson acknowledges, "Yeah."

"He's got a gambling problem. I like to bet him how much time it'll take for my spit to land on the concrete. I've won a hat and a flannel shirt so far."

Wilson shakes his head at him.

House nods his head to a man sitting on a chair all primped, running a lint brush across the arm of the chair, "That guy. He's OCD. I like to screw with him by leaving my top button opened and my shirt wrinkled. I also like making him think I don't wash my hands after I take a piss. It's quite amusing."

Wilson says to him, "You're an ass."

"Speaking of asses, how's Cuddy? I'm surprised she didn't come with." House asks amusingly.

"She's….okay. She's really…busy." Wilson says clearly lying.

House smirks, "You're full of crap."

"Yeah, I am." Wilson admits. "She's still having a hard time dealing with this, because she feels guilty." Wilson says.

House says with a bit of sarcastic arrogance, "She should."

Wilson remarks, "_Now_ who's full of crap."

House diverts his eyes to the floor.

Wilson says, "She was part of your delusion because she means something to you. She still doesn't know anything about it, because it's not my place to tell her. I'm going to leave that up to you."

"Gee thanks." House says flatly. There is silence for a minute.

Changing the subject Wilson says, "Your team is doing well under Foreman. No one has died yet."

"_Yet_." House emphasizes. "There's still time. I'm going to be here for awhile, remember."

Wilson shakes his head in disgust and says, "Oh, come on. Not like you haven't lost patients before."

House agrees, "No…but I have a better track record." He says with an amused look on his face. "Plus, I don't let them die in vain without a reason. Those idiots will just let a patient die. Where's the fun in that?"

Wilson humorously says, "Not obsessing over people to the point of insomnia. You're right the lack of hallucinations and delusions…. my God that's no fun at all."

"It is when you have delusional sex." House counters.

"Yes….delusional sex with your boss….a woman you've been hiding your feelingsfromfor years, because you're too big of an ass to tell her what she means to you. I can see how happy that makes you." Wilson says with sarcasm.

"You can spare me the lecture. That's what my therapy sessions are for…._idiot_." He says mockingly.

"Glad to see this place hasn't changed your personality." Wilson quips.

"I've gotta be me." House jokes.

"Yeah…well….I hope you're taking this seriously, House, because this may very well be the only chance you have left to make things better for yourself. So, don't screw it up." Wilson tells him as he gets up from the couch.

House looks up at him saying sarcastically, 'I'm so glad we had this little chat."

As Wilson gets ready to leave, House calls him in a more serious tone, "Wilson!"

Wilson turns around.

House says quietly, "Say hello to Cuddy for me."

Wilson gives him a small smile and says to him, "I will."

Wilson exits as House sits there thinking about Wilson's words to him. Deep down House was aware that Wilson knew he was screwing with him. House _was t_aking this very seriously, but didn't want to sacrifice his bravado in front of the people closest to him. He figured he'd save that for his therapy sessions with Dr. Scott. However, he hoped at some point he could be more open about what he was feeling. It would at least save him from the hell he was experiencing right now.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7:**

Foreman sat before Cuddy in her office being lectured. A patient's family had become highly upset over an incident between Taub and Thriteen in which both doctors began disagreeing about treatment procedures in front of the family while Foreman was taking care of paperwork.

Looking Foreman in the eyes, Cuddy tells him, "Foreman we can't have this."

Foreman answers her, "I know. I should have been in there with them. They shouldn't have been arguing in front of the family like that."

She admonishes him a bit by saying, "They shouldn't be arguing period. This is supposed to be a team effort concerning patient care. Things like this are how lawsuits are made. I definitely thought I'd have an easier time preventing that problem with you in charge, since lawsuits are pretty much a prerequisite to having House as a doctor."

"I'm sorry. It's just been really stressful without House here overseeing these cases. We made a lot of mistakes with this one in particular. Ones that House probably never would have made." Foreman confesses to her.

Looking at him with more concern now she says, "Foreman, that's not true. House is far from perfect. You know he makes mistake, but that's all part of the process. His idea is that you gain more knowledge from the mistakes you make so you don't make them again. And you know what? He's right, because that's what makes you a good doctor…not just the amount of lives you save. He's been doing this for over twenty years, Foreman. You've only been doing this for six. Give yourself some time."

"Our patients don't have that kind of time." He says concerned.

"It's a fact of life that patients will die. But it's also a fact that if we put our best efforts into the care we give _honestly_, then the knowledge we gain from the experience is just as helpful and comforting, because we can prevent things from happening the next time." She offers encouragingly.

Looking down at Cuddy's desk, he reflectively says, "I never understood his brilliance as a doctor, until I was put into this situation. For as big an ass as he is, he really is _that_ good."

Cuddy smiles and says, "Yeah, he is, but so are you, because you've learned from the best and you're only going to get better from this experience. We take chances every day, Foreman. I don't think New York Mercy gave you enough of a chance. If they had, then they would have seen the potential that I see before me right now. Not too many people gave House a chance either and look what's he become….a world renowned diagnostician with a pile of challenging case files on his desk every day, ones that no other doctors want to touch. He may be obsessive, insane, and an arrogant ass, but the son of a bitch is the best at what he does. You don't have his personality qualities, thank God, but you do have his diagnostic abilities. Teach them the way he's taught you….with the exception of calling them morons."

Foreman smiles and says, "Thank you."

He gets up and heads for the door.

Cuddy calls to him, "Foreman!"

He turns around and she says, "We all miss him."

Foreman nods his head and exits.

Later on Cuddy goes to Wilson's office, curious to know how his encounter with House was. She enters and closes the door behind her. Like House usually does, she sits in the chair across from Wilson.

She asks him, "How is he?"

"He's….still House. But I think this is really working for him." He answers her. He pauses for a minute then says, "He was asking about you."

"What did you tell him?" She wonders.

"I lied. He knew." Wilson says stoically. He then says, "I think you should go see him."

Cuddy leans back in the chair and looks up and around the room saying, "I don't know if I can."

"I know this is hard, but remember it's just as hard for him too. I think he still feels guilty about what happened between the two of you." Wilson tells her.

"It's not his fault though, Wilson. He didn't know what he was doing." She says sympathetically.

"I don't think he feels that way. I think you need to talk to him. Talking to him I think will help him, especially because..I…think…he really misses you." Wilson says cautiously trying not tread on what he believes to be House's territory. He continues, "He needs you, Lisa. If you still feel guilty for not being there for him then….be here for him now."

"You're right." She agrees as she lets out a soft sigh.

She gets up and Wilson gets up with her, going over to hug her.

While hugging him Cuddy says, "Thank you."

"You're welcome. " He responds softly.

Later that night, Cuddy falls asleep at home after a most exhausting day mentally and has the most unusual dream. In that dream, we see her awaken from the comfort of her bed wearing a black, flowing, thick-strapped mid-length dress. She approaches her front door to leave, but finds herself locked within her home. She tries desperately to open the door, turning the handle with vigor, until she hears it unlock. Slowly the door opens to reveal House standing there strangely dressed in a locksmith's jumpsuit with a white patch with red lettering which read his name "Greg." He smiles at her. And with tool kit in hand, turns to walk away without saying a word. As he walks down her steps, she steps out the door only to now find herself in a darkened alley all alone, as the pavement beneath her bare feet glistens with puddles from rain that had fallen. She looks down the end of the alley and sees House, as himself with cane in hand. He turns to look at her, then turns back around and walks down the alley. She follows him, though he is far ahead of her. She begins to sweat trying to quicken her pace to catch up to him. She sees him turn a corner to his right. When she turns the corner, a metal fence blocks her way and she begins shaking it. She sees House continue on and she shouts out his name with desperation, but he doesn't hear her. Shaking the fence again, she begins to cry and falls to her knees. When she opens her eyes, she finds herself at the edge of a pond kneeling in the grass. She looks to her right and sees House's cane hanging from an old tree. She looks back into the pond and sees House's reflection in it. She dives into the pond and finds herself floating underwater with him. House then disappears up to the surface and she floats up to the surface following him. When she emerges, she is now dry and standing in a green garden surrounded by white roses. Facing her is House with a blue, fleece blanket in his hand. When faced before him, she unzips the back of her dress and lets it fall to her feet, revealing only a lace bra and panties. House limps towards her slowly without his cane, takes the blanket and wraps it around her. As he holds onto the front of it, he leans in and kisses her softly on the lips as she closes her eyes. As she opens her eyes, he backs away holding two chemistry beakers in his hands. He pours the left into the right and tosses the empty one into the grass. The one in his right hand begins to form smoke until it clouds the entire scene making invisibility impossible. When the smoke begins to lift, Cuddy finds herself back in her room, dressed, but with the blanket still around her. When the last bit of smoke lifts, it reveals a full length antique mirror. Cuddy looks into it and sees House's reflection staring back at her instead of her own. She goes to touch the reflection with her right hand, allowing the blanket to drop to her feet, but the reflection disappears. When she pulls her hand away, she finds a knife in her hand. Taking the knife in both hands, she plunges it into her heart. Startled by the vision, Cuddy wakes up trying to catch her breath, putting her right hand to her chest. She closes her eyes and tries to calm herself. Unable to sleep at that point, she gets up and leaves to check on Rachel, knowing in her heart that she needs to see House.


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8**:

Sitting in a square, plush chair in the confines of his white colored psychiatric room at Mayfield, House, in a moment of quiet reflection, was looking out the window into a clear sky, longing to be a part of the outside world again. Yet, he knew it was too soon for that. His missed the challenges of the puzzles, the freedom to jump on his motorcycle and ride wherever he wanted and he mostly missed the conversations with those close to him. Boredom at the hospital was taking its toll, so he kept busy by immersing himself in medical books and journals to keep his mind sharp. When he wasn't reading, he was silently diagnosing new patients brought into the institution. It was the only way he could keep his sanity which is pretty oxymoronic considering why he was in there in the first place. Interrupting his thought process was a knock on his open door.

A female orderly stood there with a friendly smile and said, "There's someone here to see you, Dr. House."

House looked over to the doorway and sliding into its frame was Cuddy, revealing her presence to him.

She smiled at him and said, "Hey."

He smiled back at her and said, "Hey yourself. So, what brings you to the loony bin? Conjugal visit?"

"I came to see if they had you in restraints yet." She jokes.

"Wouldn't you like that?" He comments.

The nurse smiles at the conversation and exits.

Cuddy walks towards him and he limps over meeting her halfway. Cuddy lifts herself up to meet his height and they embrace.

While they are embracing, House slides his hands to her ass and comments, "Good to know your ass is still as big."

She smiles and comments, "Good to know _you're_ still as big an ass." He laughs at her remark.

Cuddy drops back to her feet, and while rubbing the sides of his arms says to him, "It's good to see you, House."

He smiles at her and says, "Good to see you in person and not in a fantasy."

House limps over to the bed and takes a seat on the left side which faces the window. Cuddy sits next to him on his right.

Noticing her low-cut top House remarks, "Glad to see you brought the girls with you."

"They missed you too. If you're good I might let you touch one later." She quips.

"Don't tease me. My shrink says it's not good for my psyche." He counters brat-like. She laughs at him.

He tells her, "By the way, my shrink reminds me of you….annoying, bitchy, a pain in my ass."

"Good to know the comforts of home haven't left you." She comments.

He smiles and says playfully, "_God_ I missed you, woman."

She looks down and smiles for a minute. There's silence for a minute.

Taking a more serious tone, Cuddy asks him, "How are you doing?"

He sarcastically says, "I'm sexually repressed. Care to jump in the shower with me to relieve that tension?"

She gives him a look of seriousness. He can tell the tone has changed now.

Shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head a bit he answers her, "Crappy. It sucks being here away from the action….away from life. Leg feels okay but there are still days I want to crawl into a hole and die. Hallucinations are still there but they're getting less, and I'm still craving my Vicodin. Upside is…there are some smoking hot nurses here. Don't get jealous though. They aren't as bodacious as you ."

Cuddy looks down at the floor and taking a deep breath she says softly, "You shouldn't be here. I should have listened to you that night."

House, sensing her guilt, rolls his eyes and says, "Don't do this, Cuddy."

Sniffing a bit, while still looking down at the floor, she says, "This is all my fault. I should have been there for you. I shouldn't have walked out on you."

"It's not your fault. I was being an ass that night. You had every reason to walk out on me. _I _would have walked out on me." He says trying to ease her guilt.

She looks up at him, tears welling in her eyes but not falling, and says to him, "I'm so sorry, House."

"There's nothing to be sorry about. If you don't stop feeling guilty about what happened, you're going to end up like me…well….minus the drug addiction." He says trying to lighten the mood.

"I just want you to forgive me." She says sorrowfully.

"If it'll make you feel better then….I forgive you….but only if you'll forgive me." He says to her.

"For what?" She wonders.

"I guess you forgot about me announcing to the whole hospital that I slept with you. I can re-enact it if you want to jog your memory." He says jokingly.

"House, you didn't know what you were doing." She says softly to him.

"Actually, I did." He tells her.

Confused she asks, "What do mean by that?"

Getting serious now, House takes a minute, swallows hard and trying to put the words together confesses, "That day….in my delusion….I really believed that you had spent the night with me helping me detox. Having you there in that delusion made me feel….worthy…less alone."

Cuddy's eyes started to well a bit more over House's vulnerability at that moment, but for his sake she continued to hold back. She takes her left hand and gently begins to rub his back.

House continues, "I felt like you were there not protecting hospital property, but for me." He pauses a minute, then continues, "It made me feel like I mattered to you…to someone for once in my life. That's why I didn't want to let you down. The next morning, I imagined that you kissed me goodbye. Then, I imagined that we had one hot make out session and ridiculously incredible sex."

With a soft sigh and tears beginning to stream down her face she says, "Oh God, House."

He laughs at the thought, looks down at the floor and remarks, "_Really_ delusional, huh?"

Rubbing his back she tells him, "It's not that delusional."

He looks up at her.

She confesses to him, "I've never thought of you as hospital property. Why do you think I worry about you so much? Why do think I stayed with you that night when you came out of that coma? Why do think I held your hand? Why do think I'm here now?" She strokes the right side of his face and says, "You're a lot of things House. And it's those things that make you who you are that I would miss if they were gone. I just wish you could trust me as much as you do Wilson. I do want a more personal relationship with you, so you wouldn't feel like you were just hospital property to me."

Looking at her he says, "I've always felt I had a personal relationship with you. Why do think you were the one in my delusion? I certainly wouldn't want to have sex with Wilson." He pauses for a minute. Then he continues. "You've always been there and, in my messed up mind, you always will be….cheerleader uniform and all."

She laughs and wipes the tear from her eye.

He says to her, "Maybe when I bust out of here, I can take you to dinner….thank you for putting up with this lunatic ass."

She smiles and says, "I'd like that." Then pointing to him she says, "But you aren't charging the hospital for it."

This time he laughs. She was always good at getting him back, he thought to himself. That's one of the things he loved about her. They look at each other for a moment. Cuddy leans in and gives him a soft kiss on the lips, much like she did in House's delusion. But, wanting to make this part real, he leans in to kiss her and she opens her mouth to welcome him. She places her right hand to the side of his face, as the kiss deepens. He has his left arm around her. Cuddy then removes her right hand from his face, reaches around behind her with that hand, takes his left hand and places it on her right breast while still kissing him passionately. The unexpected move by Cuddy makes House smile as he kisses her. After several minutes, they slowly break from their lip-lock.

Gazing into her eyes, House says to her, "Hold that thought for when I get out of here."

She laughs then says, "I almost forgot. I brought you a present." She reaches into her purse, pulls out a red lollipop and hands it to him.

He looks at it smiling. He then looks back at her saying, "When I lick it, I'll think of you."

She smiles and says, "I'm sure you will." She holds his face in her hands, stroking it. Then says, "Take care of yourself, House." He looks at her and nods. She kisses his right cheek.

She gets up to leave and just as she's ready to open the door, House calls to her, "Cuddy."

She turns around and he says to her with soft sincerity, "Thank you for coming."

"I'll see you again soon. In the meantime, try not to be a big pain in the ass to the people around here." She tells him.

"Don't worry. I'll save the special insults for you." He jokes.

Smiling she says, "Goodbye, House."

Smiling back he softly says, "Bye, Cuddy."

She leaves and House sits there twirling the lollipop in his hand. He takes off the wrapper, puts it in his mouth and slowly pulls it out with a motion and look on his face that tell you he's thinking about her.


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9:**

A dark road indeed it has been for House thus far. But today will be the first day that there is light at the end of the tunnel. As he walked into Dr. Scott's office for what would be his last session with her, he couldn't help but feel elated, sad and scared all at the same time. Tomorrow, he would walk out again into the real world and away from what he actually considered a safe haven from his troubles. Taking his usual seat in the brown leather chair, House sat down and looked out the window as he usually did. Only this time, there were no flowers of varying colors. There was only dirt, as the garden was being replanted with fall flowers. Silently he wondered if this was a sign of desolate things to come or a sign to indicate a fresh new journey in his life. He continued to sit there silently until his meditative state was broken by Dr. Scott.

"How are you feeling, Greg?"

Looking at her now he says, "Like I need a good lay. You game?"

She smiles and responds, "Ah, how I'll miss these moments of deflection. I thought by now you and I had gotten past that stage."

In the many months that House had been at Mayfield, Dr. Scott did manage to break him a few times. It was a tough battle of back and forth, but things changed when Cuddy came to visit that one day months ago. In his way, House compromised. He shared some things with Dr. Scott but there were still a lot of things he just couldn't. Whether a bit out of shame or embarrassment, he couldn't figure out the reason for his unwillingness to be completely open. Part of the truth seemed to lie in the fact that baring his soul to this stranger was not a venture on which he wished to embark. If he did share his secrets, it would be to someone he actually trusted. Someone who truly "knew" him and someone who would understand and not judge or "diagnose" him.

Continuing with his usual candor he counters her thought, "Never….I wouldn't want to give away too many of my magic tricks. Ruins the illusion that I actually care…which by the way…I don't."

"Oh really. Well, I don't want to give away my secret that every time you deflect, you are actually avoiding talking about your feelings and emotional state of mind. Oops…I guess I just did. So, cut the crap." She says teasingly.

Smiling he says to her, "Damn I'm going to miss you."

"So tell me. How do you feel about leaving here tomorrow and getting back to your life on the outside?"

"Like someone kicked me in the nads."

She chuckles a bit, "Well that's a colorful way of putting it." She pauses for a minute and asks, "Why do feel that way? Are you scared?"

"I don't think I'm scared. Just...I don't know." He says unable to find the right words to express his feelings.

"Want to talk to me about it?" She asks him.

"No, not particularly." He says drily. Then, he silently takes a deep breath for a minute and says, "I'm curious to know if I've lost a step or two diagnostically. I don't want to go back and have people tip toe around me, because I couldn't handle things emotionally. I'm afraid of what could happen if I relapse."

"What you're feeling is normal." She says trying to ease his troubles. "It's going to take some time, but you've made some great progress, Greg. And if at any time you feel like you're going to crash again, talk to someone you trust or pick up the phone because I'm just a phone call away."

Lost in thought he says, "I just don't want to be miserable anymore."

"One thing you have to remember is that things aren't going to magically be wonderful for you right away. After all, this isn't Disney World. You're going to have to be patient. You will get frustrated. You will fail at times. But I think you now have the right tools and mindset to deal with that." She pauses for a minute than asks, "Now, tell me. Do you have the list I wanted you to make for when you leave here?"

House digs in to the front pocket of his jeans and pulls out a folded, crumpled piece of paper.

"Sorry for the way it looks. Neatness isn't my thing." He opens the paper and reads. "When I feel like crap, instead of holding it all in, I'm going to talk to Wilson or listen to Cameron whine about her problems. Then, I'll know mine aren't so bad and that someone else is more psychologically unhinged then I am. If I feel pain, I'm going to turn on some Ramsey Lewis and imagine Cuddy in a leather outfit whipping my leg….at least then the pain will be more pleasurable."

Dr. Scott can't help but smile at his wit in trying to make his problems more tolerable. House continues.

"I will try to be a better mentor to my fellows and more conscious of their feelings…..even if at times they really are acting like idiots and are getting overly emotional over stupid things. I will try to love myself more….which I imagine won't be too hard…and consider myself worthy of love and respect….even if I have to pay someone a hundred bucks an hour to tell me that."

Dr. Scott rolls her eyes and gives him a look. House then gets a bit more serious.

"I'm going to make time for myself and get out more. I will not consider lying on my couch with the phone off the hook, drunk and high a vacation. I will try and actually do something or go somewhere. I will try not to let the obsession of my job get the better of me, because sometimes it just doesn't make me a good doctor. It just makes me an obsessive ass. I'm going to be a better friend to the people who care about me, because without them….I've got no one. I will not be afraid to take more steps towards my personal happiness, because I deserve to be happy" He looks at Dr. Scott and says, "Though that is still debatable at the moment." He goes back to look at his paper again. "I will use words…not games…to get my point across. And I will try to be more sensitive to the feelings of the people who matter to me. Because if I don't, then I will lose what holds me together on a daily basis. I will think of my actions and how they will have an impact on others before I do or say anything stupid. I will keep trying to tell myself that I don't need Vicodin to function. Because all it ever did was numb the physical and emotional pain. It never took it away. Finally, I will always remember that you can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you get what you need." He folds the paper slowly back up and gently places it in his pocket.

She smiles at his Rolling Stones reference.

Touched by House's seriousness and his honesty, she says to him, "I am _so _proud of you Greg. I want you to keep that paper and whenever you're feeling lost. I want you to look at it and remember the promises you made to yourself and to those who love you. You hold the keys to the motorcycle House. Only you can take it where you want it to go."

"So…if my motorcycle happens to end up at your house…." He says trying to lighten the mood again.

"I'll come out wearing a thong and a smile on my face." She jokes.

"Well, I may need more therapy to wipe that image from my mind now." He quips.

Looking at her watch she says, "Well, Dr, House, it looks as if our time here is up."

"That's not the only thing up right now." He quips.

"You'd never be able to handle me." She drily remarks with a sly smile on her face.

"Oh, snap. Damn…you know me a little too well now. I have to keep you away from Wilson. He's such a gossip." He says.

She laughs at him.

They both get up. Dr. Scott extends her hand to him and says, "Take care of yourself, Dr. House."

He shakes her hand.

As he opens the door to leave, he turns around and says softly, "Thank you….for everything."

"You're welcome. Good luck, Greg." She responds.

He exits.

That night, as House fell asleep, he had the most amazing dream. In that dream, Cuddy came to him dressed in white, as she had that first night, and without saying a word pulled him out of bed. He found himself wearing black dress pants and shoes and a white button down oxford. She brought him out to the garden that he spied on a weekly basis from the chair of Dr. Scott's office. Only now, instead of it being barren, it was filled with flowers bursting with color. As the two stood facing each other in the garden, House asked her, "What are you doing here?"

"You want me here. You always want me here." She answered him.

She then takes his hand and leads him to a paved driveway next to the garden. There his eyes fall upon his precious motorcycle.

Cuddy stands in front of it and dangles the keys to it awaiting his hand to take them. House takes the keys from her, mounts the bike, and turns the key to start the engine. He looks at her and asks, "You coming?"

"Of course." She answers with a smile. She lifts her flowing white dress up just a bit to mount the bike, wraps her arms around his waist and lays her chin on his left shoulder. With a smile, he drives off.

After a bit, he reaches his destination which is a beach. He dismounts the bike and then helps her off. In his dream, he still limps, but feels no pain and Cuddy guides him. When House and Cuddy reach the edge of the beach, arm in arm they stare out into the vast, pulsating ocean with a sunset of pinks, oranges and purples illuminating the sky and a soft beautiful breeze touching their faces. In that moment, House turns to Cuddy and wraps his arms around her. As they stand there for a moment, gazing into each other's eyes, House is filled with the sensation that there is no other place he'd rather be right now. He then leans down and, with her arms wrapped around his neck and shoulders, he kisses her passionately. Like a perfect picture captured in one breathtaking moment, the breeze blows her hair back and ripples House's white oxford as they are lost in a moment together. When they break from their kiss, House looks into her eyes and says, "I love you." But before she can answer, House's dream is interrupted by the cries of his psychotic roommate and a bevy of orderlies running into the room.

He puts his arm to his head and utters under his breath, "Damn!"


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10:**

The next day, House had made arrangements through Mayfield to have a cab come and pick him up, mainly because he didn't feel like listening to Wilson play twenty questions with him on the way home. As he walked out the doors to the hospital and down the steps, he turned to look back one more time, much the same way he did when those doors closed on him. He turned back to the cab awaiting him and as he carefully got into it, we see another image of Dr. Scott and the head of the hospital Dr. Mastaccoli looking through a window hidden from House's site.

Inside the office of Dr. Mastaccoli, he says to her, "There goes one incredibly brilliant, troubled man."

She says, "Yes, but aren't we all a bit troubled in some way, David? He's complex and unique. And I do hope if I come down with some rare, crazy disease, he's my doctor, because he's the most honest, interesting person I've ever met in my life."

Dr. Mastaccoli looks at her quizzically.

She walks away as Dr. Mastaccoli watches House's cab drive away.

Later that night, we find House back home. Wilson is with him, as he's refused to let House stay by himself that night. Wilson has made himself comfortable on House's couch watching monster trucks on TV with his feet propped up on the coffee table.

Coming out of the kitchen, mug of coffee in hand, House says to him, "You know, you can go home. I can wipe my own ass, mom."

"I would feel better if you had a little company for the night in case things get a little rough."

"Things would only get a little rough in here if I had three hookers, a box of handcuffs, and keg of beer in here."

"House, you just came from….."

"….the loony bin? Yeah I know. I've got the t-shirt…."I survived the ride of the criminally insane. The delusions stop here."

"I get it. You want to return to normal….get on with your life. Hey, I'm all for that. I've missed the words of wisdom concerning my personal life and the multitude of insults hurled on a daily basis. But I'm concerned about you stepping off the curb and getting hit by a bus."

"Ironic that you would mention the same moving vehicle that killed your dead girlfriend and put me on the yellow brick road to see the wizard. Unfortunately, I did lose my brain for awhile but I got it back." He taps his cane on the side of his foot and says, "There's no place like home." He then takes a sip from the mug.

"I'm not leaving."

"Fine. Just don't screw up my TiVo."

House places his cane on the side of the couch, puts the mug on his coffee table, sits and gets comfortable on the couch by propping up his feet.

As both are staring at the television, watching the monster trucks, Wilson asks, "You want pizza?"

"Yeah." House answers.

Later that night, House is sitting in his bed reading one of his medical textbooks with his glasses on. Unable to concentrate or sleep, House places the open book on his lap face down and sits staring blankly for a minute. He then looks over at the clock and notices that the time is eleven thirty. The appearance on his face shows that he is thinking for a minute. Finally, he takes off his glasses, placing them on the nightstand next to him, picks up the phone and dials. We then are transported to Cuddy's house where she lay sleeping in the darkened confines of her room. Suddenly, she is awakened by her ringing phone. She turns to pick up the phone, noticing the late hour on the clock next to it.

She sits up in her bed and answers with a weary, "Hello."

"Did I wake the baby?"

Cuddy turns on the light next to her and we see her give a soft smile at the familiarity of the voice on the other end.

She answers him, "No, not yet anyway. Is everything okay?"

"I couldn't sleep. Wilson's snoring is so loud I keep thinking someone is trying to steal my motorcycle."

"He's there with you?"

"Yes…unfortunately. I really need to get him a hooker."

"He's worried about you. Be grateful."

"I bet you're worried about me too. Probably spent a lot of sleepless nights watching _Beaches _over and over again, crying your eyes out."

She laughs and says, "You're an ass."

It's quiet for a moment then House says to her, "I wanna come back tomorrow."

She gives him a hesitant sigh saying, "Oh…House….I don't know if I can do that. It's too soon."

"Cuddy, you know me. You know if I stay here in this apartment by myself, I'm gonna go crazy…which is pretty ironic since I just came from the wacko ward. I need to do something…exercise my brain again…mock moron patients…tell my fellows their idiots while providing them with my genius mentoring skills."

She thinks for a minute then says, "I'll let you back on a few conditions. One…you get a week probationary period with Foreman supervising you as he continues to oversee your cases."

"I'm okay with that."

"Good, because two has you exercising your secondary diagnostic skills in the clinic for two hours a day for one month."

He winces, "Are you kidding me? Seriously?"

"Hey, I have to make sure that you're still competent enough to practice so I can protect the hospital's ass."

"Couldn't you have just put me in the MRI machine, asked me a few questions and looked to see if the diagnostic part of my brain was highlighted?"

" I could, but what's the fun in that."

"You're evil."

"Those are the terms. Take them or leave them."

Rolling his eyes, he answers her flatly, "Fine."

"Great. Make sure you get there at nine…_AM."_

Jokingly he says, "I don't know if I can do that. I signed up for a crochet class at that time. My therapist says I should try new things."

"Shut up and get your ass there on time tomorrow. Goodnight, House."

"Wait." He says quickly. "Don't hang up yet. I have one more request."

"What's that?"

He pauses for a minute and says, "A date."

"A date?" She asks. She then smiles and says, "What if I say no?"

"Then I'll ask Cameron. I mean…I know she's married and everything but I still think she has the hots for me."

Cuddy laughs at his sarcasm. Then says, "Okay…._but_….not to some bar for wing night. I want a _real _dinner…with _you _paying."

"Damn…and just when I wanted to drink you under the table again." He says sarcastically.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but the last time I believe I drank _you_ under the table and pocketed two hundred dollars in cash in the process."

"I still want a recount."

She laughs and again says, "Goodnight, House."

"What are you wearing?"

"Use your imagination."

"Okay, should I go with swimsuit model Cuddy or porn star Cuddy?"

"Goodnight, House."

"Night, Cuddy."

They each hang up the phone. House places the book on the nightstand, turns off the light and falls asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11:**

As House limped through the doors of Princeton Plainsboro with his backpack over his shoulder, he stood there for a moment talking in all the sights, smells and faces he left behind him when he entered Mayfield. Silently he thought to himself, there's no place like home. Leaning at the entrance desk was Cuddy. On seeing him walk through the doors, she smiles and stands before him.

"Welcome home." She says.

"Thank you." He says. Then he says sarcastically, "Now where's my welcome back present?"

"We need to talk." She says seriously to him.

"I bet we do. Your office no doubt. Bet you've got a _big_ surprise waiting for me….are they red lace or black lace?"

Taking a firm, serious tone she answers, "House…."

Sensing her uneasiness, House says to her, "After you boss."

They enter Cuddy's office with House following behind her.

Cuddy then goes to her desk and signals to House, "Close the door."

"I think I'm liking this already." He looks at his watch. "It's only 9AM and I'm already scheduled for a spanking."

"Sit." Cuddy says firmly to him.

Doing as he's told, he takes a seat in the chair across from her as she sits behind her desk.

"House, I have good news and bad news for you."

With praying hands he says, "Please tell me I don't have to do clinic duty."

"You don't."

"Yes!" He exclaims as he pumps his fist. "Did I tell you how much I love you?"

"I wouldn't get too excited right now."

Now concerned, House questions, "What are you talking about?"

"House, I am so sorry to do this to you, but I have no choice. Until the review panel meets to discuss your case, you are hereby temporarily suspended from practicing."

House starts getting a bit annoyed with her, "This is a joke, right?"

With a distressed look on her face, she tells him, "House, my hands are tied. I had to file a report with the Board of Medical Examiners concerning your situation. By law I am obligated to do that."

Angry he says to her, "So what the hell was all of this? You bring me here, dangling the prospect of me getting back into practice like a piece of meat, then tell me the meat is spoiled. This is low Cuddy...even for you." He tells her, pointing at her.

"House, it was not my intention for things to happen this way. I thought you might get a pass, since you are the one who took yourself out of the situation. But it didn't happen that way."

"So…what…me coming back here was just your way of parading me though here like some circus sideshow?"

Trying to keep her cool, knowing what House has been through, Cuddy says to him, "No, that was not my intention. I wanted to get you back here, because I know you would have gone stir crazy sitting at home, wondering what was going on here, driving Wilson and I nuts with a thousand questions."

"And what the hell am I supposed to do? Help the nurses give sponge baths? No thanks." He gets up to leave.

"House!" She calls to him. He stops, facing the door not looking at her.

She says, "Please listen to me for a few minutes."

He answers her sharply, " I think I've heard enough." He starts to walk out. But again she stops him with her firm words of angry emotion.

"This is your career, House! This is not some game we're playing. You can lose your _job_….your _life_! Do you really want that to happen? Do you really want to throw it all away because you are a stubborn pain in the ass? You're not making a sacrifice to save some patient's life, because you _are _the patient! It's time to make the sacrifice to save yourself."

It's quiet for a moment as Cuddy's words sink into House's mind. With his back still turned, he takes a deep breath knowing his future is on the line. He turns around to face her and asks, "What do I do?"

As she begins to answer him, he sits back down in the chair.

"The review panel is having an emergency meeting this afternoon. It will probably be suggested that you enter into the PAP program." She tells him.

House rolls his eyes, "Oh God."

"I know you'll hate that, but it will be the only way you can keep your license to practice without it being on your record. All of it will be kept confidential. It's for your own good House. The Professional Assistance Program will not only help you maintain your sanity, but keep you clean."

"And how long will I have to endure that crap?"

"The minimum is usually five years."

"Can't I just have you and Wilson continue lecturing me? That's torture enough."

"As much fun as that would be for us, it isn't exactly what the board wants. Chances are you'll be on a temporary suspension pending the reports from PAP. Once they and the medical board have gotten confirmation and proof that you are fit to practice again, the suspension will be lifted and you'll probably be put on a probation period with supervision."

"How long could this take?"

"You're looking at possibly three to four months."

Again House rolls his eyes, "And what do I until then? Sit at home and _entertain _myself?"

"I am going to make the suggestion to make you my assistant. You won't be near patients. You'll just be helping me do odd jobs."

"So, I get to be your whipping boy. Not my cup of tea unless you've actually got a whip and a leather outfit to make it worth my while."

"It's this or spending your entire day watching the Playboy channel."

Sarcastically he says, "Don't make the choice so easy for me."

"Trust me…my breasts are better and they're real." She jokes. Then she gets serious, "Please House. This is your only shot at getting back into this hospital, because there isn't much more I can do for you."

"Fine….but make sure you come to work wearing a push up bra and a tight skirt…at least then I can enjoy a nice view while I'm in hell."

He gets up and Cuddy says to him, "I'm so sorry, House. I'll see you this afternoon at the panel hearing. In the meantime, why don't you go see your team? They've missed you."

With his hand on the door he says to her dejectedly, "Don't you mean Foreman's team?" Then, he pushes the door and walks out of her office.

Cuddy is left standing there with a distraught look on her face, because not only is the situation killing House, it's killing her too.

Later on that day, House finds himself in front of the Medical Practitioner Review Panel. Aside from Cuddy's presence on the panel, it is also made up of four physicians and three health care service members. One of the physicians begins to speak.

"Dr. House, we are here to review your case regarding your leave of absence to enter into the Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital. Upon reading the reports provided by Mayfield, we are aware of your condition regarding your experience of hallucinations, delusions and opiate addiction. After discussing your case we are prepared to submit to the New Jersey State Board of Medical Examiners a proposition regarding your situation. In that proposition, the panel will recommend that you enroll in the New Jersey Professional Assistance program for a minimum of no less than five years for at least twice a month until such time as the PAP team feels your progress is satisfactory. The PAP team, at their discretion, may lessen your visits to once per month. During that time the PAP team will conduct evaluations of your progress regarding your condition and will report those findings to the Board and all parties involved in your employment at Princeton Plainsboro. If the Board deems your progress satisfactory and you have proven yourself to be a fit medical practitioner, then it will be with their approval that your license be reinstated and you be allowed to practice medicine. During the waiting period, Dr. Cuddy has made the suggestion that you serve as her assistant. This request will be submitted under the following conditions; you are not allowed to go near patients or consult on any medical cases. Your medical privileges will also be temporarily revoked. Thus, you will not be able to sign for tests or prescriptions for any patients. Access to any confidential medical records will be denied. You must report directly to Dr. Cuddy and stay under her supervision during your period of suspension. Dr. House, do you understand all that I have explained to you?"

With mock sarcasm, House says, "Not sure I got it all…do you think you can go over it again?"

Cuddy shoots him a stern look. On her look of annoyance, House says, "Yes, I got it. I can't breathe, sneeze or spit on the patients. I have to stay in my own bubble. At least I have less chance of contracting the swine flu then."

Cuddy bites her lip in frustration.

"Good." The physician says. "This concludes our meeting."

House quips, "So glad we did this."

The physician turns to Cuddy and says, "Good luck having _his_ license reinstated."

As they all exit, Cuddy catches up to House, "Must you be an ass to everyone, especially during a time like this?"

"If I weren't an ass, then people would still think there was something wrong with me. Figured I wouldn't leave anything to question."

She stops him by standing in front of him. Then asks, "You really enjoy driving me crazy, don't you?"

"Hey, if I'm going down, you're coming with me….which reminds me…..Thursday good for our date?"

She gives him an annoyed face and walks away. As she does, House stares at her ass with a grin on his face and says, "God I missed that ass."


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12:**

It was House's last day serving under Cuddy and not the way in which he wanted. The last three months were boring for him and uneventful as he helped Cuddy file papers and search for donors. Cuddy certainly kept him busy, but she couldn't stop him from being continually curious about his passion for medicine. He was constantly checking on Foreman's cases, since he managed to steal Cuddy's pass word to the hospital's mainframe. It was frustrating for him to be unable to do anything after watching the countless mistakes made by his team. Thankfully, after today, that nightmare would be over since the Medical Board was happy enough with his progress to honor his license again and allow him to practice. This day couldn't end fast enough for him. So, he decided to take a break and visit Wilson. Upon hearing his door open, Wilson looks up to see House who plops himself casually in the chair across from him.

Wilson looks at him quizzically and asks, "What are you doing in here? You're supposed to be helping Cuddy."

"I'm on a break." He answers.

"You were on a break fifteen minutes ago."

House says, "That was a bathroom break."

Wilson looks at him not buying it and asks, "For fifteen minutes?"

"Blame the cafeteria food."

Wilson says drily, "I would if you actually bought your own."

House jokes, "Then blame Cuddy's shrieking. It goes right through me…..literally."

Wilson jokes, "And what's your excuse this time? Her skirt is so tight it's cutting off circulation to your penis?"

"I'm a cripple, remember. I have to get the circulation moving in my leg."

"And yet you're sitting here." Wilson says sarcastically.

"Figured I'd work from the bottom up. Penis comes later when I'm staring at Cuddy's cleavage."

Wilson looks down, signing some papers and says, "Go back to Cuddy."

House rolls his eyes and says, "Oh come on. You know there's only so many times I can entertain myself dropping things, so I can watch her pick them up. After while…it's just sad."

Wilson says to him coyly, "Maybe she….wants…to entertain you."

"If she really wanted to entertain me, she would have went with me on that date she promised months ago….not tease me."

Wilson comes in defense of Cuddy, "House, you were being investigated by the medical board because of your…"

"Trip to Fantasy Island? If you ask me that place was _way_ overrated. I think Mr. Roarke and Tatoo were scam artists, since my fantasies didn't come true at all. I'm still here." He remarks, finishing Wilson's thought.

"She was trying to protect you and herself. It wouldn't exactly look good for the Dean of Medicine to be engaged in an affair with her lunatic, suspended doctor."

"Well if she was looking for secrecy, I could have easily covered that by having her _hide_ under the desk and attributed the enormous amounts of moaning to leg pain."

Wilson gives him a devilish smile.

Curiously looking at Wilson he asks, "What's that evil grin for?"

Wilson replies, "Admit it. You're going to miss working with her."

"If by work you mean being her _piss_ boy, I'd rather be hallucinating Amber again….she was _way _more interesting. The only thing I'm gonna miss are the phone calls from her mother. Did you know that she wonders what it's like to breastfeed? I'd offer to show her what it's like but then she'd know I was listening in on her phone calls."

Appalled Wilson says, "Wait…..you've been listening in on her phone calls?"

"More like accidentally hitting the conference call button as I transferred her calls."

Shaking his head in disgust Wilson notes, "You're unbelievable."

"Also turns out that Cuddy's mother thinks I'm witty and charming. How can I argue with her on that?"

"Cuddy's mother obviously doesn't know you."

"Hey, Cuddy's desk didn't get into her office by magic. I had to get the key for the storage unit it was in from her mother. I must say that she was completely taken by my charming personality." House says in debonair fashion.

Wilson quips, "She was _taken _all right."

"I also found out Cuddy does yoga. God, can you imagine the amount of positions she could get into? "

Wilson answers drily, "Yeah, I'm sure you and your bum leg would hold up just fine."

"Hey, I said positions _she _could get into. I could just lay there and be satisfied."

Just then Wilson's phone rings and he picks it up.

"Dr. Wilson." There is silence for a minute and then Wilson looks at House and says, "Yes, he's here." There is a pause for a moment until Wilson says, "I will."

Wilson then hangs up the phone.

House jokes, "Let me guess….my groupie was looking for me."

"Yes, and she's pissed. Gee I wonder why."

House gets up and says, "Hi-ho! Hi-ho! It's back to hell I go."

As House puts his hand on the door to open it, Wilson stops him.

"House." Then, House turns to face him. Wilson continues.

"This is your last day working with her. Go easy on her, because she's gone through a lot of crap these last few months to keep you here and sane."

Frustrated, knowing that Wilson is right, House exhales and responds, "Fine. God, you suck the life out of everything. You used to be fun. Remind me not to invite you to my next shiny happy people party."

With that House opens the door and exits Wilson's office.

While House is making the trip back down to Cuddy's office, we find her speaking with Foreman about a current case.

Cuddy asks Foreman as she's looking through some charts he handed her, "What else did you find out?"

"Not much. We're stuck and the patient is deteriorating faster than we can diagnosis. Right now I think this is our best option."

Just then House limps into the office.

On seeing Foreman he says, "Well, if it isn't mini me. By the look of the sweat on your forehead, I'd say you were in trouble."

Irritated Cuddy asks House, "Shut up and put these files in the drawer like you're supposed to be doing." She hands him a stack.

He takes it from her and remarks, "That's abuse of a cripple you know."

Cuddy reacts, "Yeah, well, if you don't keep your mouth shut, I'm going to take that cane and cripple your other leg."

"I love it when you get nasty. Turns me on." House starts putting files in the drawer

Cuddy turns to Foreman and says, "Please ignore the giant idiot in my office. I'd take him back, but he's so damaged no one else wants him."

House turns around to her smiles and says, "Nice."

Cuddy focuses her attention back on Foreman, "You were saying."

Foreman tells her, "I think a brain biopsy is the only way we can go right now. I know it's scary with the patient being a baby, but we've hit a road block with each treatment."

Curious House asks, "What are the symptoms?"

Cuddy fires back, "Don't answer him. Run the scans again and make _absolutely_ sure this is necessary. Then, let me see the scans before I have you getting consent from the parents."

Foreman tries to convince her again, "If we run the scans again, we're only going to find out what we already know."

House chimes in, "Which is?"

Foreman answers House, "That the baby has some sort of infection connected with a bulging fontanelle. She also has internal swelling of the throat."

Annoyed, Cuddy answers Foreman, "Don't talk to him!"

House chimes, "Do the biopsy."

Cuddy turns to House and angry says, "Shut up!" She then turns to Foreman and says, "Run the scans again and then report back me. We'll discuss then."

Foreman nods and as he turns to leave, House fake coughs the word "wuss." Foreman gives him a dirty look and leaves.

Cuddy looks at House with disgust and tells him, "You're amazing, you know that?"

"So, I've been told." He jokes. Then he says to her, "You know what's really amazing? The fact that a neurologist was telling someone who _isn't_ that a patient needs a brain biopsy. Humm…what's wrong with that picture."

"The patient is an infant. So, I'd rather be one hundred percent sure it's necessary before I go drilling into a baby's head. Unlike you, Foreman understands that."

"I guess I missed that part on account of him urging you to give permission for a brain biopsy." He sarcastically says.

"If the patient were older, I'd have no problems issuing permission….and why am I arguing with you? You're not allowed to give a consult."

"No, but I am allowed to offer a suggestion." Then House's wheels start turning as he feels he's onto something. "Which is why you wanted me back in here. You _wanted _me to hear what Foreman had to say."

"Oh yeah, clearly evidenced by me telling you to shut up."

"Ah, but you could have easily kicked me out of your office at any time or talked with Foreman somewhere else. You didn't. You kept me here."

Cuddy sits there nervously and says, "If I were to give you this file by accident and you looked in it, what would you _suggest _that I'm going to _pretend_ to ignore."

Cuddy hands House the file.

House takes it, smiles and says to her, "Ooo you naughty girl. I think I'm getting chubby."

Cuddy rolls her eyes at him.

As House is looking at the file he starts reciting some of the symptoms aloud, "Fever….signals infection….vomitting…..loss of appetite….swelling of the throat…"

As he continues to look at the file, he tells Cuddy, "Call Foreman and ask him if the baby has a high-pitched cry and is lethargic. Then ask him if anyone has been sneezing or sick around the baby."

"What are you thinking?"

House teasing her says, "Ask him and then I'll tell you."

Cuddy picks up the phone and calls Foreman. Cuddy asks him the questions House posed to her. Foreman checks with the parents who tell him that they have noticed a change in pitch with their baby's cry and that the baby has been sleeping a lot.

Cuddy lies to Foreman and tells him that she's looking up something and to hold on a minute.

Turning to House with her hand over the receiver she tells House, "Foreman said yes to your questions."

House looks at her and tells her, "Tell Foreman to do the biopsy and check for Haemophilus Influenza type B. If it proves positive, treat with antibiotics."

Cuddy gives him a worried look.

House says, "Now is the time to be objective, Cuddy. If he doesn't do this and we delay any longer, the baby could die."

She nods and gives Foreman House's instructions.

Later that evening, Taub comes down to Cuddy's office with a smile on his face. House is looking over her shoulder at the computer.

Taub says, "You were right."

House jokes, "_She_ usually is."

Taub continues," The biopsy went well and the tests concluded that the baby has Hib. Turns out the mother had a cold before the baby got sick. She must have sneezed on her and carried the infection to the baby. We started the baby on antibiotics and she should be fine."

Relieved Cuddy says, "That's great, Taub. Thank you."

Taub exits.

House arrogantly says, "Another life saved even when he's just a bench warmer."

Cuddy gives a sly grin and says, "You're pretty proud of yourself aren't you?"

'Why wouldn't I be? Your golden boy proved how shiny he still is."

"Yeah, well, here golden boy." She hands him a file. "You're still on my clock."

House looks at his watch and says, "Not anymore in…..five….four….three….two…one."

"You know, you're an idiot" House tells her.

"Can't tell you how much I missed being called that. "She says sarcastically.

House tells her, "If you had Foreman waste his time doing more scans, you'd have been taking minutes away from that kid's life. Then, the baby would die and you'd end up crying your eyes out with a carton of frozen yogurt in front of you with me telling you I told you so."

"And if you weren't such an emotionally introverted annoying ass, then your brilliant mind wouldn't be wasted doing my paperwork and filing for three months."

House rolls his eyes, "God, get me out of here before I become a woman with neurotic tendencies and a widening ass."

He goes to the door.

She picks up her briefcase, follows him saying, "Get me out of here before I become a limping workaholic with no inner sensor and an inflated ego."

House smiles and asks, "Pick you up in an hour?"

"Yes, but not on your motorcycle .And wear the blue shirt. It's my favorite." She smiles.

He smiles as he holds the door, letting her out first and then following behind.


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 13:**

Wilson was washing dishes at his apartment sink when he heard the distinctive knock of a cane at his door. Rolling his eyes, he walks over to the door to open it. When he does, a nervous looking House limps right passed him.

Already inside his apartment, Wilson makes a mock gesture of extending his arm to welcome House inside and sarcastically says, "Please…come in."

Shaking his head, he then closes the door. House stands before him, dressed very sharply in a royal blue oxford and black dress slacks with a matching black suit coat.

House says to him, "I need a tie to match this shirt. And since you're Mr. GQ, I know you probably have one."

Wilson smiles at him.

House rolls his eyes and remarks, "Oh God, there's that look again."

Laughing Wilson says, "What? I…think…it's great that you're nervous about your date with Cuddy. It's been a long time since I've seen you like this."

Irritated House holds up his cane to him and tells him, "I'm so happy that you're happy….because if you don't find me a tie in about two seconds, the next thing you're gonna see is the curved end of this cane knocking you senseless."

Taking the hint Wilson says, "Okay, okay…hang on."

Wilson opens his hall closet where he has a rack full of ties on the door neatly placed by solid colors, stripes and patterns.

Looking at Wilson's collection with amusement House jokes, "What did you do? Subscribe to the tie of the month club? At least I know where to come if I ever wanna hang myself in style…patterns and all."

As he searches his tie rack, Wilson quips, "I know it's overwhelming for you to see what a real man's closet looks like."

"No, a _real_ man's closet has condoms, sweat-stained t-shirts and a stack of porn magazines."

Wilson reacts, "No…_your _closet has those things. Contrary to your colorful perspective, real men actually do wear suits and ties and not just t-shirts that say "Badass" on them."

"That's what I call…my way of keeping the idiots away."

"Yes…and I see the line of respectable woman it attracts too." Wilson says drily.

"Hey, I don't see any women knocking down your door right now, so shut up and just give me a damn tie."

Wilson smirks at him. Then, he continues with his search until he comes across a tie that has light blue wide stripes, outlined by medium width light yellow stripes and accented by a trace of black stripes.

"Here…try this one." Wilson says, handing the tie to House.

House puts the tie around his neck, but his nervousness gets the better of him as his fumbling fingers have a hard time with the act of tying it. He gets frustrated, brushes his hand through his hair from top to back and has to stop the task to take a breath and calm himself. Wilson begins to chuckle, finding House's school boy nerves very amusing.

Annoyed, House looks at him and says, "This is not funny."

Wilson, smiling, comments, "Yes….yes it is."

House gives him a look and irritated says, "Come here…..let me tie this around _you_! Then, we'll see who's laughing."

Wilson rolls his eyes and tells him, "Relax. I think it's great that you're nervous, because it means you actually give a crap about this date. And I know you're scared, because you haven't been this serious about a woman since Stacy. There's a big difference this time. Cuddy already knows you're an ass and wants to date you anyway. That's a point in your favor."

House begins the task of tying his tie again with more success this time.

"You know you should start your own greeting card business….'inspirational words of love from the divorced oncologist.' I think it would be a big hit."

Wilson jokes back, "That must be after your greeting card business of…'love sucks unless I'm paying a hundred dollars an hour for it."

With quick wit House retorts, "No, that costs extra."

After tying the last part of the tie, House proceeds to assess his appearance in the small mirror in Wilson's hall closet and fixes his hair a bit. Looking back at his reflection for a moment, he observes the look of fear on his face as he wonders…'what the hell am I doing.' As Wilson leans on the edge of the closet door, he notices the fear on House's face and attempts to set his friend's mind at ease.

"You're going to be okay, House. She's not expecting some phony cover model tonight. She's expecting the man she's admired and respected for over twenty years."

House looks at him and softly says, "Thank you."

They both walk over to the door. As they do Wilson tells House, "The one good thing about going on this date with Cuddy is that you don't have to be anyone but yourself, because she already loves you for who you are. Right now, you're both just….going through the formalities."

House opens the door, turns to him and says with a subdued anxiousness, "Yeah…well…I can think of about a hundred ways I can screw this up tonight."

Wilson looks at him and with a soft smile says, "Then don't do any of them."

House looks at him, nods and heads off into the night on his journey to Cuddy's

.


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER 14:**

Dressed in a white form fitting cocktail dress with gold, small, chain linked-straps, Cuddy proceeded to apply a soft, shimmering lipstick to her barren lips as she looked into her dresser mirror. Once finished, she plopped her lipstick into a matching white, small purse and snapped it closed. Just then, she heard a knock at her door. Upon hearing the knock, she began fidgeting with her dress to smooth it out and then ran her fingers through her softly curled hair…reminiscent of the style that she had for Chase and Cameron's wedding. As she gazed at her reflection for a moment, she took a deep breath for the nerves ran through her like a shockwave. She wasn't nervous about going on a date. She was nervous about going on a date with House, because she didn't know what to expect. However, that aspect was what was so exciting and interesting about him. He wasn't your average guy. He was a brilliant, complex man with the ability to make you want to smack him one minute, laugh with him for another and hug him for the trauma he's been through in his life. As these thoughts raced through Cuddy's mind, another knock was heard at the door breaking her from her trance. She went down the hallway to answer the door. As she opened the door, she beheld a sight which she had never quite seen previously in this manner. House stood before her looking handsome and polished and holding a bouquet of a dozen white roses.

Putting her fingers to her lips, trying to overcome the emotions she was experiencing at the moment, she looked at the roses with pools beginning to form in her eyes and said to him, "Oh House….they're beautiful."

Trying to deter the emotional outburst, House teases her by responding, "You really think so? Cause' I figured I'd give them to your nanny since she has to put up with your perfectionist complex on a daily basis."

Cuddy laughs and sweetly says to him, "You're an idiot." Looking into his ice blue eyes in a reflective state she remarks, "I still can't believe you remembered I liked white roses. It's what blew your cover with the PI you hired last year, you know."

With mock innocence, House says, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

She smiles and he hands her the roses.

Taking them, she tells him, "Come on in while I put these in water before we go."

Holding the roses in one arm, Cuddy takes her right hand and holds the door open for him as he limps inside. She then closes the door and guides him to her living room area while she heads to her kitchen. And as usual, House can't help but stare at her ass as she goes into the kitchen.

Noticing the silence in the house, House comments, "It's awfully quiet in here. Kid's a little too young to rebel and run away, especially since she can't walk yet."

Laughing a bit she says, "My nieces and nephew wanted to spend some time with her, so my sister decided to give me a break and take her for the weekend."

"So you're basically subjecting her to a weekend of your sister's neuroticism. Don't worry. That's not something years of therapy won't be able to fix. Remind me before the night's over to give you Dr. Scott's number."

From the kitchen we hear Cuddy give a hearty laugh, then she say, "You're such an ass."

Emerging from the kitchen, she looks at him and says, "I'm ready."

At that moment, House got his first real look at her. He stood there silent for a moment just looking at her completely captivated by her beauty. The vision before him caused a subdued smile to come across his face.

Seeing that mesmerized look in his eyes, Cuddy couldn't help but ask him, "What?"

Feeling slightly shy that he was caught, he deflected what he was really thinking by answering, "I was just imagining you naked."

She gives him a sly smile.

He then asks, "Seriously….why can't you dress like that at work? I would be _way_ more motivated to get things done."

She jokes back, "No you wouldn't, because you would be too busy staring at my breasts."

"And you think tonight's going to be any different? _Now_ who's delusional?"

Walking over to him, she laughs, gives his shoulder a slight push and says, "Let's go before I change my mind."

Later on that night, House and Cuddy are engaging in some light conversation as they eat their dinners. House was taking a bite of his prime rib as Cuddy was cutting into her bruchetta topped grilled chicken.

Looking at his tie, Cuddy comments, "Nice tie. How many of Wilson's did you have to go through to get to that one?" She takes a bite of her chicken.

"What gave it away? The burst of color or the girly perfume smelling cologne?" He wonders with sarcasm. He takes a drink of his seltzer with lime.

Swallowing her chicken, she tells him, "No….just the fact that you would never own a tie that actually matched that shirt, since you only own about three of them."

" I don't know . I was thinking of broadening my horizons. Maybe start wearing ties to work." He says wittingly.

She responds by saying, "If you did that, then _I _wouldn't get anything done."

With a devilish arrogance he says, "Why? Because my sexiness would overwhelm you and keep you from doing your job?"

"No…..because I would think something was wrong with you and I don't want to have to send you back to Mayfield."

He smiles and comments, "Nice." Smiling, he takes a bite of his prime rib.

Cuddy takes a sip of her wine. She then says, "I ran into one of your old bosses the other day…Dr. Nell."

With a faux reflective expression on his face, House remarks, "Ah….Dr. Nell…the administrator from hell. Was he trying to pimp one of his books?"

"No. Just himself." She says as she cups her right and left hands over each other.

House remarks, "It was only a matter of time, before he realized his books suck. Now he's subjected to sucking…"

Cuddy interrupts him, before he can continue his sick thought, "I got it. Thanks." Sarcastically she tells him, "And he had nothing but nice things to say about you." So laughing she asks, "What did you do to him?"

He answers her, " I was still a young doctor, but not stupid. And all this idiot wanted to do was sell his books. So, one day, this reporter from a medical journal came to do a story on him at the hospital. I came into his office seeking permission for a procedure only to hear him telling the reporter about a patient that _I_ treated with a rare disease and taking all of the credit for it. Apparently, the story was listed as one of _his _cases in his latest book. When he saw me walk in, he gave me one of these evil stares as if to tell me not to open my mouth."

Cuddy reacts with dry acerbic wit, "And knowing you the way I do, I'm _so_ sure you listened and kept quiet and didn't make a scene."

"I started asking him specific questions about the case which, not surprisingly, he couldn't answer. He started getting pissed with me."

"Not surprisingly." Cuddy interjects.

House continues, "Then the reporter starts asking me who I am. I told him that I was the crazy medical genius who saved this guy's plagiarist ass from killing the patient in question. Then, I started to tell the reporter about the case in detail. Nell kept telling the guy I was a liar. That was until I told the reporter to come with me and showed him the case with my name all over it. Apparently, the reporter then called the family the next day who confirmed that I was the doctor who saved their kid's life. A week later there's a big article about me calling me a young, promising genius. Nell's article never made it in. That day Nell called me into his office and fired me. Told me he didn't need some arrogant, unprofessional lunatic in his hospital. I told him the next time I see him that I hoped he learned to become a real doctor instead of one who _pretends_ to be one and that he stop cheating on his wife with his assistant. Funny thing is…his wife got some photographs of her husband in a compromising position with his assistant. I can't imagine who would do something like that. Can you?"

Cuddy laughs and says, "You definitely show no mercy."

He says, "It has nothing to do with mercy and everything to do with that fact that I just can't stand people who exploit medicine for their own personal gain while the rest of us are trying to work our asses off to do the best job we can no matter what the cost. If we kill someone, we learn something. If we don't kill someone, we still learn something. We don't write about it when we've learned and experienced nothing. Sometime after that an article came out about Nell calling him a fraud. Turns out that he was fired from his position and it took him awhile to get a job again. Payback's a bitch."

Listening to him speak so passionately about what he does, Cuddy felt this sensation within her as to why she loved this man so much. For as difficult as he can be and as obsessive about his puzzles, when it all came down to it, he was an advocate for the patients and good medical care even if it meant breaking the rules. He'd do anything he could to save a life. Cuddy kept these thoughts to herself, so as not to infringe on his persona.

Cuddy looks at him and says, "This is a date for us to get to know each other better. So, let's play twenty questions with one question and answer a piece about something we may not know about each other…..and _no _questions about what kind of or colored underwear I'm wearing."

House disappointed says, "Damn. Well, there go my first two questions."

Cuddy tells him, "I'll start. I know how much you love music. When did you start playing instruments?"

"When my dad was away on duty, my mom needed cash. So, she stripped and I accompanied her." He says jokingly.

"Fine. Forget it." Cuddy says a bit disappointed.

Seeing the look of sadness on her face, House looks at her and says, "I was twelve. Since I was a military brat, we moved around a lot. We were on a base in Virginia and a slightly older couple lived next to us, who didn't have any kids. The woman's husband was an air force pilot and she was an officer's wife, which was pretty much the norm. One day I was outside exploring and heard the sound of an acoustic guitar being played. I turned to look where the music was coming from and found the wife on the porch strumming away. I went over and asked her if she wouldn't mind me listening. She gave me a smile and said that she didn't mind at all. I watched her hands as she played and tried to imitate them. I could feel her eyes looking at me as I pretended to play. She stopped and asked me if I'd like to try. Being twelve I thought that was the coolest thing. So, she put the guitar in my hands and guided me through some chords. I was so obsessive even then that I had the chords licked in a matter of minutes. Then, I heard my mom calling me for dinner. But before I went, the woman whose name was Mrs. Douglas, as I remember, asked me if I'd like some lessons. I said sure. So, from that day on, I spent my afternoons taking guitar lessons while her husband was away on duty overseas. About eight months later, Mrs. Douglas and her husband were moving to another base down south. But before they did, Mrs. Douglas gave me her guitar. At first I couldn't take it, but she insisted I have it as a gift for keeping her company all those months. After that I never heard about her again. I always wondered what happened to her though."

"That was so sweet. I imagine you started taking piano after that?" She asks him.

House laughs, "Funny story about the piano. I used to listen to my mom's old jazz albums. She liked Billie Holiday, Duke Ellington, Sinatra….a whole bunch of people. My father hated it. So, I'd purposely blast it. Anyway, when I was in school, I used to sneak into the music room and fiddle with the piano trying to match the chords I heard on some of the blues albums. I got to be really good at playing by ear. One day on one of my secret playing sessions, I hadn't noticed that the music teacher was listening to me play and was impressed by what she heard. She offered to give me lessons for free once a week after school. She said I had a gift that shouldn't be wasted. So, I ran home and asked my mom. She thought it was great, but my dad disagreed saying that music was for sissy boys. My parents argued about it, but my mom used the excuse that this could keep me out of trouble. Imagine that….me in trouble."

Cuddy quips, "I can't imagine that at all."

"Anyway, I took lessons afterschool where the teacher taught me classical pieces too. I hated those. I loved playing the jazz pieces only. For years I practiced on the school's piano. Then, on my sixteenth birthday, my mom bought me a piano. She saved up money from the work she did knitting blankets and baby clothes for people. It was old, but it was in pretty good shape. I used to annoy my father everyday playing on that thing. Little did he know, that I played it to give me an escape from him and all his insults…..the mental abuse….and the punishments he used to give. I used to sit playing blues songs, because that was the only thing that seemed to make me happy. Ironic, isn't it?."

Cuddy looks at him for a moment feeling his pain, because of how vulnerable he was to her at that moment.

She simply says to him, "I'm sorry, House."

"Yeah…well…..life sucks and you need to let it out in a way that won't piss too many people off. I guess that's why I enjoy playing the blues." He pauses a moment then says, " Now, I believe it is my turn to ask you a question. After all the crap I've put you through on a daily basis, why do you still keep me around? Why did you hire me?" He inquires.

"That's two questions." She replies with a coy smile.

House rolls his eyes and says, "So I'll owe you one. Don't deflect. That's my job. Now just answer the question…or _questions _as they case may be."

She answers him. "I hired you because I knew your potential from the first day I met you at Michigan. You had this amazing ability to think outside of the box when everyone else was afraid to get out of it. You were always thrilled by the exploring aspect of medicine and that fascinated me. If you didn't know the answer, you looked for it. You were determined and I felt that this spirit is what the medical profession lacked. You were never afraid and I admired you for that. As to why I've never fired you like all the others, it's because you're a damn good doctor, House. You have this special gift for medicine and observation that I haven't seen in too many people. You are brilliant and full of wisdom based on what you've experienced. That's why I created the fellowship program for you. You have a lot to give and a lot to offer gifted doctors. Yes, you are a pain in my ass when you teach them how to break my rules. But then you encourage them to think on their own and go with what they feel is right even if it's wrong. In that case, they learn something. You may be insane, House. But you aren't stupid. I see putting extra money aside for lawsuits as a result of your insanity as being more of an investment."

Curious, House asks her, "Were you really in my endocrinology class?"

She looks at him with a smile and says, "I believe it is my turn to ask you a question."

Anxious, House reacts, "So I'll owe you two."

Laughing she says, "I was in your endocrinology class, but I audited it. I heard a lot about you and saw you on campus a few times. I thought I'd try to get to know you better. Since I worked in the admissions department for my work study, I had access to the mainframe. I looked up your schedule and saw my opportunity. I thought you were crazy, but I also thought you were interesting. I guess I'm always attracted to the men who are as messed up and complex as I am."

House laughs and gives her a smile.

Then she said, "Now it's my turn. Why me? Why are you interested in me?"

With that question, the waiter interrupts and says, "Anything for dessert?"

House turns to the waiter and says, "Just coffee for me."

Cuddy chimes in, "Coffee for me too."

The waiter proceeds to take their plates, as Cuddy looks into House's eyes awaiting his answer.

In a moment of deflection, House remarks, "Did you see that guy's mole? I think it's bigger than one of your breasts."

Cuddy looks him sternly in the eyes and says, "Don't deflect. Just answer the question. Why are you interested in me, House?"

Nervous, his eyes look downward and then back into her eyes, "I can't answer that yet."

Confused, she says, "What do mean you can't answer that yet? You, the man with all the answers and the most rational human being can't answer a simple question? You asked me out and clearly had a reason for it…unless….this has nothing to do with taking me out and everything to do with you trying to get me to sleep with you. The grab of my breast didn't work, so you think roses and dinner will." She throws her cloth napkin down on the table, puts her head in her hands while saying, "God, I am such an idiot."

Seeing her dejected state, House sits there for a moment feeling like a jerk, because he does have a real answer for her and her assumption isn't it.

With that idea in his mind he says to her, "Cuddy, that's not why I asked you out. Although that dress doesn't stop me from fantasizing about it."

She picks her head up still looking a bit distraught and angry at him.

House continues, "I know you're pissed at me right now, because I won't answer your question. Feel free to punish me later…..in whatever way you want. But the truth is….I don't want to answer your question here…..in a crowded place where we can barely hear ourselves. I want you to be able to actually hear the answer….when we're alone….just us."

A bit skeptical she gives him a look and asks, "You aren't screwing with me? Are you?"

"I haven't screwed with you in over twenty years." He says comically.

Smiling at him she says, "You're an ass. You know that?"

"So it says on my driver's license and hospital badge." He jokes.

She laughs.

After dinner, House takes Cuddy home. When they get to the front door, Cuddy looks into his eyes and remarks, "I had a good time."

Smiling at her he says, "Me too."

"Yeah, I noticed. Especially when you kept dropping you're napkin under the table."

"I can't help that I'm a bit clumsy." He says sarcastically.

"And lecherous." She quips back.

"Words can hurt you know." He jokes.

They stand there for a moment. Then Cuddy asks, "Do you want to come in?"

"Depends on if you want me to." He answers softly and a bit seductively.

She looks into his ice blue eyes and says softly back to him, "I want you to."


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER 15**

Cuddy turns around to open the door, allowing House to enter before she does. Closing the door, she walks into the living room area with him. House places his cane on the side of her couch and then takes a seat on the left end of it as his right arm lays comfortably on the armrest with his back leaning against the cushions.

While House is seated, Cuddy walks a little past his feet, turns to look down at him and asks, "Do you want anything?"

House looks directly at her and says, "You." With his left hand, he gently pats the cushion signaling her to sit next to him and she does.

Still leaning on the cushions, he looks at her and says, "You asked me why I was interested in you. It's because twenty years ago, I saw this incredibly hot looking woman engrossed in a medical textbook. And I asked myself, how anyone that gorgeous could be wasting her time in the medical profession where people would be coughing on her, she'd be working insane hours and where people would want her to be the miracle worker. And then I observed how she didn't miss a step when some brilliant, horny jackass tried to hit on her."

At House's last statement Cuddy smiles, since House was the jackass in question.

House continues, "Not looking up from that book, she kept walking, knowing where she was headed and told the guy to "piss off and save the pick-up lines for the candy stripers." That told the jackass a few things about her. One, that she was determined and wouldn't let anyone get in her way. Two, that she was intelligent. Instead of playing Frisbee on campus like everyone else, she was studying. Three, that she knew where she was headed not just on campus but in life. And four, that she had a sense of humor. She wasn't nerdy. She was sassy. She was something he just couldn't resist."

House sits up to meet her eyes with his hands folded on his lap.

"When he got to sit next to her in an Endocrinology class, he considered it a thrill. He thought he'd get to know more about her, but figured she couldn't be bothered with him…..or so he thought. He was obsessive enough not to give up, especially on people who interested him. So, he followed her out of class one day, trying to strike up a conversation with her until she finally broke and wondered what he wanted from her. Of course, she had to go and point out that fact that she knew all about him, which none of it was good and a strike against him. "

Cuddy smiles at him.

He keeps going, "But he told her that he found her interesting, and that interesting people made for better company and conversation. Thankfully, she bought all that crap."

She laughs at the memory, as House continues, "Then, he got to know her pretty well and she got to know him pretty well. They ended up spending a lot of time together. It was the first time in his life that he ever felt appreciated by anyone in spite of his reputation. And one night after a hoedown, he ended up spending the night with her after an argument she had with her moron mother over the phone who wondered why she couldn't be like her sister."

Tears start to well in Cuddy's eyes at the memory.

Then House says, "But to him she didn't need to be. She was perfect just the way she was. For twenty years he remembered that night. And for twenty years he hated himself for the way things ended. Because he was a bit messed up, he was afraid to open up to her even though he didn't have to be. He became hostile and shut down and she didn't deserve any of that. And then she posed a question to him that he would regret the answer to for what he thought would be the rest of his adult life. She asked him point blank if he loved her or not. All the stupid idiot could say was I can't answer that, when the truth was that he did. Even though they were both drunk and all would probably be forgotten the next day, for twenty year he could never forget the frustration in her voice and the tears in her eyes when she passed out that night. It was a moment that he regretted and thought that he'd never get back. All he could do was think about her and obsess about what he'd lost, because he felt he deserved to be punished for it. Fortunately she was spared from seeing him again when he got expelled the next day from med school."

In reflection, holding back tears, she says to him, "God, Greg, I remember how hurt I felt. I kept thinking that maybe my mother was right and that I didn't deserve to be happy and that maybe I should be more like my sister. It took me awhile to move on. I thought I had until you came back into my life again. You're like one of those viruses that just doesn't go away."

"Hopefully a non lethal sexually transmitted one, "He jokes. Then he says, "Cuddy, you are probably the only woman who has a high tolerance level when it comes to my lunacy and pain in the ass, screwed up personality. When the smoke clears, you're the only one there standing with me. Even Wilson jumps in the hole to save himself sometimes and I don't blame him. You on the other hand are the only masochist crazy enough to stand there with me when the bombs start going off, because you are just as messed up as I am. And that's why I'm interested in you."

Confused Cuddy asks, "Because I'm crazy?"

"Because I'll never be alone. You're willing to go down in the fire with me. Why wouldn't I be attracted to that?" He says sarcastically.

She smiles at him. Then, she takes his face in her hands and places a soft, quick kiss upon his lips. Looking into her eyes, he leans into her with mouth wide open. She leans in with him, opening her mouth, inviting him in. As their tongues begin to dance in each other's mouths, House takes his right hand, places it on her left thigh, and begins to slowly glide his hand up it like a magnet attached to metal. Cuddy lets a soft moan escape her mouth as he gets farther up her thigh, gliding his hand inside.

Cuddy pushes back for a moment, looks at him and says, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Looking at her, he says with soft sarcasm, "I just want to know it's real."

Smiling, she places her left hand to his face and while stroking his jaw line with her thumb she looks in his eyes and says, "You're an idiot."

Smiling back at her, he remarks, "That's good enough for me."

They place another deep, passionate kiss on each other's lips again. Then Cuddy stands up and extends her hands to him. Taking her hands, he gets up. Once standing, she places her left hand on his neck and the other across his back near his shoulders. He wraps his right arm and hand around her waist and anchors his left on the middle of her back. Again they begin to kiss passionately again with tongues darting in and out and their hands and arms roaming each other's bodies. Cuddy pushes back and begins to lead House to the bedroom, continuing intense eye contact with him.

Once in the bedroom, House and Cuddy continue their literal game of tongue twister with each kiss growing in intensity. As the exchange continues, Cuddy takes her hands and, gliding them across House's shoulders ever so smoothly, she slowly pushes House's suit jacket down. He helps her with the last part by yanking his hands through the sleeves and throwing it off. House pulls Cuddy closer to his body and Cuddy begins to undo the buttons of his shirt. Swiftly , she begins to undo each button one by one….her fingers fumbling as they try to keep up with the pace of her rapidly beating heart. As she gets to the final button, she pulls his tucked shirt out of his pants. This time, House wastes no time in pulling it off as Cuddy lays her hands on his bare chest. She remains engulfed in the depths of his mouth until he begins to gently turn her body around in order to kiss her neck and help her remove her dress. Cuddy tilts her head to the left side and back a bit with her eyes closed as House, with his arms entwined with Cuddy's around her waist, begins to gently nibble on her ear flowing downward to kiss her neck gliding his tongue and wet, soft lips slowly down and slowly back up again not missing an inch. He then moves his hands to her back, still kissing her neck, and inch by inch by inch slides the zipper of her dress all the way down. He places his hands on top of her shoulders and gently follows the curvature of her shoulder blades as he slides the gold straps of her dress down past them. Removing her arms from her waist, Cuddy drops them to her sides allowing the dress to fall at her feet. She opens her eyes and looks up to meet his glance. Locking eyes with him as a tiger to prey, she seductively turns around to face him not once losing eye contact with him. Taking her hands she gently pushes him to the bed and stands before him clad only in a strapless cream lace bra and matching panties. He stares enraptured by the masterfully sculpted body of the goddess before him. Cuddy then proceeds to kick off her heels and climb atop the bed, gently straddling him. She places her hands on his chest moving them in smooth strokes all the way down to his belt buckle. Once she reaches her point of destination, she begins to undo his belt buckle and then the button of his pants. When her task is completed, she carefully glides his zipper down, teasingly placing her hands on top of his throbbing member for a moment before sliding her hands up to grasp his pants. She slides his pants down easily like melting ice, following their direction down to his feet. Climbing off the bed for a moment, she takes his pants off and drops them to the floor. She climbs on top of him again and begins to kiss his chest as she makes her way down to the top of his boxers. When she gets there, she pulls his boxers down, tossing them to the floor. Then, standing at the foot of the bed before him, she slides her lace panties down and lets them fall to the floor. She crawls back on to the bed like a cat with a great intensity in her eyes. She sits on top of him feeling the hardness beneath her like a boat ready to raise its sail. She threw her hair back and reached around to unfasten the hooks on her strapless bra. Then she tossed it to the floor. Unwilling to let her tease him anymore, House sits up pulling her body close to him and ravages the left side of her neck with passionate kisses. He navigates his way to her breasts taking her left one first, teasing the nipple with his tongue and suckling it like a newborn baby. On doing this Cuddy lets out a soft moan of pleasure as her hands rest atop his shoulders for support. House's tongue leads him to Cuddy's other breast where he proceeds to repeat the previous action. In one swift motion, House places Cuddy on her back and assumes the role of the tease. He slowly enters in her with every inch, keeping his eyes directly focused into hers. As he slides in slowly, she lets out a long resonant moan while digging her fingers into his back. He continues to slide himself slowly…..in….and out…in….and out.

Until Cuddy finally says, in between gasps, "Quit screwing with me you son of a bitch."

On that House started to gradually pick up the pace as he buried his lips in between her breasts, grunting in unyielding pleasure with every thrust as her moans of ecstasy grew in intensity. Faster and faster he went as he and Cuddy kept in time like the precision of a drum line, meeting each other on the same accents as sweat began to glisten off their bodies and the moans of their musical heaven filled the room. Suddenly, in one great crescendo, they reached the peak of their performance together as House exploded inside her with the force of a shaken soda bottle. As they finished, House planted soft kisses on her lips.

Later on, we find them snuggled under the covers with House's left arm around her and Cuddy's head resting on his chest.

Cuddy says, "I lied about Rachel."

She looks up at him and House looks down at her quizzically.

Cuddy continues, "I didn't subject her to my sister's insanity. I told my mother I had a conference this weekend and asked her if she would take Rachel for three days."

With a smile House remarks, "You lied to your mother _and_ me which means you already _knew _that we would be sleeping together. _And _you weren't planning on just once, since you freed up your _entire_ weekend. You sly, cunning woman. You see….I knew there was another reason I was interested in you."

And with that, Cuddy laughs.

The next morning, House awoke to find himself alone in bed. For a moment, fear shot through him as he remembered what had happened in his delusion. His anxiety subsided upon hearing the shower running. With a smile on his face, House got up and decided to give Cuddy a bit of a surprise.

Cuddy allowed the warm, cascading water to caress her body as she stood running her fingers through her hair and allowing the water to massage her face in total relaxation. Suddenly, she is startled by the shower curtain opening behind her with House's face popping through it.

Trying to calm down her breathing from the scare she says, "God House! I thought I was living a scene from _Psycho_ for a minute there."

"Figured you might need a little help getting to those hard to reach places." He says with playful sarcasm.

With the shower still running, Cuddy goes over to the end of her shower to help him in saying, "Be careful."

"At least if I fall, I know who I can sue for medical negligence." He jokes.

"Shut up." She reacts.

Once they are both in the shower, Cuddy continues the act of allowing the water to splash on her face. House goes for the bar of soap in the holder and works up a good lather in his hands. He then proceeds to massage her shoulders with his bubbly hands.

With her eyes closed, lost in the touch of his strong hands she responds, "Mmmmm…..God House that feels so good."

"Glad you're enjoying it. I've got a lot more area to cover." He tells her.

With a soft laugh she says, "I bet you do. Tell me something…..do your hookers get this kind of treatment?" She jokes.

"No….I've got to pay extra. Besides…..I save my shower fantasies for you. Not just when I'm with you either."

"That's something every woman wants to hear." She quips.

"Hey….you should be flattered. Most guys will think of Playboy models while they're getting their rocks off in the shower. I get mine off thinking of you."

"I am so honored to be your left-handed sexual shower fantasy, House." She says sarcastically.

"You should be." He tells her.

He lathers up his hands again and proceeds to slide his lathery hands to her front and up to her breasts. Wrapping her arms around her waist, Cuddy closes her eyes and lets out a soft sigh as House delicately moves his hands in circular motions massaging her breasts.

House whispers in her right ear, "Gotta give the girls a massage….make sure they stay perky."

Cuddy breaks her concentration for a moment to say, "Guess I won't need to go to the gynecologist since I'm getting my breast exam here."

At that House gives her a soft laugh. Then he whispers in her ear again, "You know, there are other places that get dirty too….like right down here."

He takes his hands and slides them in between her legs.

With her heart starting to pound rapidly in her chest, she moans, "Oh God, House."

"What's important is that you make sure every inch is clean." He seductively whispers in her ear again.

He then takes fingers and slips then inside her. As he does, Cuddy's heart starts pounding faster and she grips his thighs as best she can letting out a gasp. His fingers start exploring inside her, playfully teasing her core.

In between gaps of pleasure Cuddy manages to say, "Thank God we're in the shower, because it's about to get messy in here real fast."

"Not without me it won't."

With that House slides his fingers out of her, turns her around, and pushes her up against an open spot on the side of the shower wall. She guides him inside her and wraps her arms around his neck and her legs around him as best she can for support. To anchor himself, House holds himself up with his left hand while maintaining a firm grip around Cuddy's waist with his right. With the shower water cascading on them and the steam beginning to rise, House executes rapid thrusts each one causing him to get harder and her to get tighter. Leaning her head back against the shower wall with her eyes rolling back in pleasure, Cuddy was thinking that she was fortunate to live in a house, because if anyone heard her screams right now someone would probably be calling the cops thinking there was a murder in progress. Things began to get so heated that Cuddy knocked her shampoo bottle, which was on an upper shelf on the inside of the shower at the end, out of the shower. House began to go even faster, causing Cuddy to dig her nails into his back as she started to slip from the force. Cuddy opened her mouth to meet his open mouth as the water from the shower created the illusion of a waterfall effect on them. At that very moment, they reached their climax together with House exploding inside her with all the pressure of a fire hose. Slowly, they began to catch their breaths and relax. Standing erect now under the shower, Cuddy kept her arms around House's neck and he wrapped his arms around her back and waist and they began to kiss passionately with their tongues touching the roof of each other's mouths and exploring their way around the rest.

The water continued to fall, but then started to cool. Cuddy laughed when it started to do this and remarked, "I think it's trying to tell us something."

House responded, "Yeah….that we need to climb into bed right now to warm up."

Cuddy laughs, House smiles and Cuddy kisses him again.


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER 16**

Later on that night at House's, he and Wilson were engaging in a game of poker.

Looking at his cards, Wilson begins the conversation by asking, "How was your date with Cuddy last night?"

Examining his cards, House answers, "Good. She was looking exceptionally hot last night. Lots of cleavage to admire during dinner."

"What did you talk about?" Wilson inquires.

"How annoying and needy you are." House quips.

"Better than talking about your massive ego." He throws a few chips down. "I raise. So, is there going to be another date or did you find a way to screw something up last night?"

"I did screw something….just wasn't the date itself. I see your raise and raise you ten more." House tosses another handful of chips into the pile.

"You slept with her? So, your delusion became your reality on the first date. I'm impressed. I call. What do have?"

Fanning his cards down, House says, "A straight….which will probably beat the skimpy pair you have in your hand."

Wilson looks at his cards and then at House and begins to say, "How the hell did you….."

"You were chewing your lip. Every time you do that you have a crappy pair of something. My advice….don't do that if you want to actually win a game."

Wilson throws down his cards and exclaims, "God I hate playing with you!"

"That's not what Cuddy said." House smugly jokes while playfully batting his eyebrows.

House takes the cards and starts shuffling them.

Wilson wonders, "Just curious to know…..what do expect to get out of this relationship other than sex?"

"Hopefully less clinic hours." House quips.

"You can't treat Lisa like one of your dime store hookers you know." Wilson remarks.

Looking at him for a second he says, "If hookers cost a dime, I'd use them every day." He looks back at the cards again and remarks, Fortunately for me though, Cuddy comes for free, so I don't have to claim her on my taxes."

Wilson takes a more earnest tone with House and says, "I'm serious, House. This is not a game. There's a lot involved here….your jobs…..your feelings….plus she has Rachel. You have to decide if that's something you're willing to accept, because Rachel comes _with _Cuddy. It's not like Cuddy's going to want to send her back. And knowing you and your need for attention, you'd have to be willing to share it. The question is whether or not you're willing to do that."

House stops shuffling and looks at Wilson.

Annoyed with him House says, "God….why do have to be such a killjoy? I talk about sex with Cuddy and you immediately turn it into an intervention on my personality. I think I'm going to go back to Mayfield."

House starts dealing the cards and Wilson begins assembling his hand.

"I'm just saying that Cuddy is someone you've been silently pining for…for years. Commitment is a big thing and not something to brush off like dandruff." Wilson tells him.

House abruptly stops dealing.

Looking at him curiously, House says, "Wait a minute….you're going to lecture _me_ on commitment…..the man who goes through wives as quickly as _beer_ goes through me. Listen Don Juan, in case you've forgotten, I lived with _one_ person for five years. That's more commitment than you saw in your first three marriages."

"Don't deflect. This has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you and your ability to push people away. Stacy left because you were a miserable ass after your infarction and you pushed her away. Cuddy on the other hand knows how to deal with your stubbornness and insanity _and _is willing to put herself through that torture with you. She's already ahead because she's been doing it for half your life. She should be sainted." Wilson says. He then starts putting what cards he has in order.

"After last night and this morning in the shower….trust me…there are no angelic qualities about her." House jokes.

"Must you keep turning this conversation into sex?" Wilson wonders as he continues to order his cards..

"Yes, because it's _way_ more interesting than hearing you give me advice on serious relationships. Do you honestly think I wouldn't have gone through all that I have if I weren't serious about what I wanted? Granted it took a year, a delusion, and three months in a psycho ward to make me realize it, but did it ever once occur to you that I might just be a little….nervous about starting over. Let's face it. Cuddy is the first woman that I've ever really been interested in since Stacy." House says reflectively.

"I know. That's why I'm trying to help you, because I am all for this. I…think Cuddy is perfect for you. She thinks like you. She's kind of crazy herself. She's confident, compassionate, smart, beautiful, and she gives a damn about you. That's more than I can say for a lot of women who've come into contact with you. But most importantly, you have to remember that both of you easily hurt. That's why you have to cut the crap with her and be more sensitive to her feelings, because things that may be important to you may not be important to her. And this game of hostility you play with her, while fun for you, won't help in the times when you really need her. That's something you have to keep in the back of your mind, because if you don't you _will _screw this up and there may be no on left." Wilson tells him.

There's silence for a minute as House absorbs what Wilson has just advised him.

Then House breaks the moment by saying sarcastically, "You know….now I think I understand why Kutner put a gun to his head."

"I know this a lot for your _inflated _head to absorb….so I'll put it to you in a way you'll understand. Don't be an ass and learn how to talk to her without being a condescending, sarcastic jerk." Wilson tells him.

Mockingly House says, "It's good to know I have such caring friends there when I need them in a time of emotional crisis." House starts dealing the cards again.

"Too bad it's only one." Wilson retorts while continuing to assemble his hand.

"Hey, I'm not the one clinging to the friend from the insane asylum." House quips.

"I can't believe you ended up there before I did after all these years of me dealing with you." Wilson shoots back.

House stops dealing for a moment. Holding some cards hidden in his right hand, he looks at Wilson with a sly grin and says, "Admit though…..you love it."

Wilson drily says, "What can I say? I guess I'm a glutton for punishment."

Then the two of them look at each other and laugh. Then, House finishes dealing the hands.


	17. Chapter 17

**CHAPTER 17**

Cuddy was busy grabbing files from the drawers in her office on Monday morning, when Wilson knocked on her door and walked in.

Looking at Wilson from the filing cabinet she remarks, "I suppose you're here to talk about my date with House. "She goes to look back into the file drawer as she says, "Which is kind of funny since I'm sure he's already shared the details with you ….including the fact that I slept with him."

Wilson screws with Cuddy a bit by making a shocked face saying, "You slept with House?"

Suddenly horrified Cuddy looks back at Wilson and asks, "You didn't know I slept with him?"

To which Wilson gives her a boyish grin and replies, "House did tell me that. I just wanted to see how you'd react."

Annoyed she turns back to the drawer and remarks to him, "God….you're getting just as bad as he is." She closes the drawer and goes to sit at her desk asking Wilson, "So, why are you here if you already know all about what happened?" She then sits.

"Because I wanted to see if you had any _regrets_ about what happened." He answers her standing in front of the desk.

Sitting back in her chair with her arms resting on the arms rests and hands folded in front of her, she becomes lost in thought for a moment.

She then answers Wilson, "I….don't have any regrets about what happened. I just…have a lot of fear. I know how he is and I know how he can get. I can deal with a lot of his crap….but…..I'm worried about getting so close to him that if he really does something to hurt me…..I don't know how I'll recover. Flirty hostility is one thing but downright hostility from him scares me….because then I'd just question whether or not he gave a damn about me at all."

Wilson sits in a chair across from her and says, "Your thoughts and feelings about him are completely normal. I'd be worried too, because he does have the capability to hurt the people closest to him. But keep in mind that you and I have been through a lot together with him and we've survived so far. There's no question that he's done a lot of things to piss us off. However, he's done a lot to keep us close to him too when he's crossed the line. The truth is, Lisa, he's crazy about you. He really loves you. And it's been a long time since I've seen him like this. He's going to be especially careful with this relationship, because it's you and you've known him a long time."

"That's just it, Wilson. I don't want him to be careful. I want him to be himself. He may be a pain in my ass sometimes, but I don't want him to change just to make me happy because that'll make him miserable. I don't want that." She tells him.

"You know, I always thought to myself that whoever ended up with him would have to be a strong, patient woman who sees beyond his jerk persona, because underneath….he does actually have a heart. You see in him the things no other woman has seen in him….not even Stacy. And I admit that it took me a long time to realize that myself. Don't be afraid to tell him and show him how you feel. He's curious about you and interested in you. And you know House…he only surrounds himself with interesting people and puts up the yellow tape for the rest."

Cuddy gives him a smile.

Wilson continues, "One thing you have to keep in mind is that I don't think House is the marrying type. Now, I know that's thinking way ahead here, but I think it's important to realize. I know you've always had a family life in the back of your mind, but I don't think you'll get that kind of commitment from him. Don't get me wrong. He'll be loyal to you and a companion but just don't expect a ring on your finger."

"If I expected that from him, I would have never said yes to a date. At this point in my life, I just want to be with someone I care about because I'm tired of being lonely. Rachel is great, but I can't have an adult conversation with her. She can't fill that last void in my life. She can only fill part of it."

Cuddy pauses for a moment then says to Wilson, "I appreciate you coming in here and talking to me. But I think this is a conversation House and I should be having."

He looks at her and says, "Fair enough." Wilson stands up from the chair.

Cuddy looks up at him and says, "Wilson, you're a good friend…not just to him….but to me too. Thank you."

He smiles and acknowledges, "You're welcome."

He goes to walk out but turns around and inquires, "Let me ask you something."

"Sure, "She reacts.

"Do you love him?" He questions.

Cuddy sits there quiet for a moment, as that last question really hits her heart. A bit puzzled by the inquiry she quietly responds, "Of course I do." She takes a deep breath and says, "I never realized how much I did until everything happened with him and he wasn't around. I missed him so much." She put her head down and plays with her nails as she fights the urge to allow a tear to escape and continues, "I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to him, Wilson." She picks her head up wiping both eyes from the tears that managed to appear and says to him, "I feel like an idiot right now. I'm sorry."

Wilson smiles and says, "Don't apologize. Just remember that things don't have to go badly between the two of you."

She nods and Wilson exits her office.


	18. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER 18:**

The team is gathered in House's office discussing a current case and treatment on House's first day back as team leader.

Thirteen shakes her head at House and says, "We should have waited. There isn't any guarantee that the treatment is going to work."

House counters, "That's why we treat. To see if it actually does work. It's called trial and error. Thought that was science 101."

"Yes, but if the error is death then we're screwed." Taub answers.

"Come on, where is your sense of adventure. A few months with Foreman in charge and you all become members of the lollipop guild." House quips.

Foreman counters, "Hey, I had this department running smoothly until you came back."

"Yes….as smooth as a baby's bottom and as efficiently as a drunken neurosurgeon performing brain surgery. House jokes.

"We kill this patient and Cuddy will be all over our asses." Taub remarks.

Thirteen chimes in, "Taub is right. We can't screw this up and you telling the patient's husband so colorfully that he's being an idiot certainly didn't help the situation."

"Or the fact that you did the procedure anyway without his consent." Foreman adds.

Getting frustrated House says, "This is a load of crap. Since when did the art of diagnostics become a game of appeasing the patient's family? Might as well use our medical degrees as toilet paper, since they clearly know more than we do."

"What if you're wrong and we kill the patient? The husband isn't going to be too happy with you, Cuddy, or with seeing his wife in the morgue, especially since he's a major hospital contributor." Thirteen states.

"Ah, welcome to the medical college of donors. Who needs a medical degree when the amount of lives you save are measured in the amount of dollars you give?" House says sarcastically.

Just then the phone rings.

Taub gets up and says, "I'll get it." He goes over the phone on the desk in the DDX room and answers it.

Foreman advises, "House, don't you think you should be careful here. I mean….it has been awhile."

Irritated House says, "I was in an insane asylum, because I was hallucinating not because I'm an idiot. Last time I checked, my medical mind was still up here. " He taps the side of his temple and continues, "Not in my other pants."

We turn back to Taub on the phone, looking at House. "He is…I will."

House rolls his eyes and jokes, "Let me guess…the principal is calling me to her office."

"You got it." Taub responds.

House mutters, "Tell me who's surprised by this."

He then walks out of the DDX room and heads for Cuddy's office.

Thirteen looks at Foreman and asks, "Do you really think he's lost a step?"

Exhaling Foreman answers, "No…..he's still the same insane ass he always was….and he's probably still right too."

"If he isn't, then Cuddy's going to make him miserable and he's going to make us miserable." Taub notes.

Foreman reacts deadpan, "Welcome to the diagnostic department of Dr. Gregory House."

We now see House entering Cuddy's office as he uses his cane to push open the door.

An older, rotund man with salt and pepper hair stands up, points to House and exclaims, "You! You arrogant son of a bitch! How dare you go against my wishes! My wife is dying! Don't you care?"

"The good news is…she's not dead yet. The bad news is….if you don't let me do my job…she will be." House counters.

Infuriated the man exclaims, "Dr. Cuddy….I want him off this case! He's nothing but a renegade doctor trying to exercise his bravado over weak family members making them feel as if they are ignorant to medical facts."

"I didn't call you ignorant. I called you an idiot." House says smugly.

Cuddy interrupts, "House….shut up." She then turns to the gentleman saying, "Mr. Michaels there is no question that Dr. House handled this situation without a shred of dignity or consideration for your wishes. For that, I will take responsibility for his actions. However, I will say that Dr. House does have a good track record with this hospital and if he is right then he will be saving your wife's life. Right now, I think you should be with her because she needs you. I will take care of Dr. House."

"I bet you will. " House says cunningly.

Cuddy shoots House a dirty look and walks over to usher Mr. Michaels out of her office saying to him, "You have enough to worry about right now. I will handle this."

Before Mr. Michaels exits, he looks at Cuddy and says, "Dr. Cuddy, I've invested a lot of money in this hospital. If anything happens to my wife….."

Cuddy cuts him off, "I assure you, Mr. Michaels I will be on top of everything from here on in, making sure Dr. House and his team are in compliance with you concerning your wife's treatment. Now, if you will excuse me. I need to have a word with Dr. House."

She ushers Mr. Michaels out, then slams the door.

Turning to House in a furor she exclaims, "What the hell is the matter with you? Lewelyn Michaels is a major contributor to the finances of this hospital and not surprisingly….you pissed him off because you are an arrogant ass!"

She walks past him hastily to her desk.

Totally deflecting House quips, "Who the hell names their kid Lewelyn? No wonder the guy is uptight…must have been in a lot of playground fights."

Throwing her hands on to the desk in punctuated anger, standing behind it, she berates him, "Do you enjoy torturing me like this? Do you get some kind of perverse pleasure out of making my job a complete and utter nightmare? Because while you're busy beating down the families of patients, I'm busy affixing the stitches to wounds left by the psychotic doctor who issued them."

"Words can hurt you know." House says to her not a bit phased by her demeanor.

In mock laughter and with an angry eye, she says, "I am so glad that you don't give a crap. Because if this woman dies, not only will this hospital face the biggest lawsuit imaginable, but you and I will both be out of a job."

Rolling his eyes he says, "Relax Cuddy and quit being so damn dramatic. The guy's not going to sue or do a damn thing, because no other hospital got to the point we're at now. They gave up and sent the woman packing. We're his last shot like it or not and he knows it. He's frustrated. They all get frustrated and take it out on the doctors, because they can't get pissed at anyone else. Now, I've been thinking. I think you should move in with me."

"God you are such an ass." She says exhausted by the argument. Then she says, "You know…I kept telling myself that I could separate the professional from the personal. For the most part, I can because I know you're a good doctor and I support a lot of the things you do here. The problem is…that I feel you support nothing I do here. And that's when the personal relationship suffers and I feel like _I_ should be in Mayfield. I've got way too much stress in my life right now. I'm not sure I want to add any more to it."

Being sarcastic House asks, "So is that a yes or a no?"

Looking at him stoically, she tells him, "Get out."

He leaves again using his cane to push the door open. Cuddy brushes her hair out of her face in frustration.

We see House come off the elevator and into the corridor. As he does, he sees Wilson out of his peripheral vision and rolls his eyes as Wilson makes his way to catch up with him.

Finding his way next to House, Wilson says sarcastically, "So, I hear you're spreading your warm tenderness around again."

Trying to end the conversation House tells him, "I'm not in the mood. Go away."

"Ah, so your sunshine probably put a cloud on Cuddy's day. Now, you're miserable because she's miserable. Damn, I should have warned her that that's what happens when you get sucked into the gravitational pull of Greg House." Wilson says sarcastically.

"You know…I'm going to test your gravitational pull in a minute using my cane and your scrotum." House remarks clearly irritated.

"House, if you are going to be in a relationship with Cuddy, you may have to tone down your bad boy image just a bit. I know it's hard for you to take other people's feelings into consideration other than your own….but in order to make this work….my God…dare I say it…you may have to compromise." Wilson remarks.

"She knew going into this what I was like. If she can't take the heat, then she needs to get out of my pants." House jibes.

"Yes, because it is all about you. Has absolutely nothing to do with you irritating major donors, compromising her job or anything, because clearly she doesn't matter. It's all about your ego which is probably bigger than what's inside your pants anyway." Wilson says drily.

House says to him, "You're just jealous."

They stop at House's office.

As House opens his door, Wilson looks at him and says, "She doesn't want you to change. She's not trying to make you change. That's _her_ compromise. What's yours?"

Then Wilson walks away and House's pager goes off.

We see him enter the patient's room to see Foreman hanging up an IV bag.

Foreman turns to House as he hangs the bag and says, "You were right."

Smugly House says, "Of course I was."

Thirteen chimes in holding a chart in her hand, "It took awhile, but once the medicine got through her system, her temperature went down and the rash disappeared."

Taub adds, "The poison got flushed out of her system and her kidneys started to function again."

Mrs. Michaels looks at House and says, "Thank you Dr. House for saving my life."

Mr. Michaels, holding his wife's hand, looks at House and echoes, "Yes…thank you Dr. House. I know I overreacted. I should have listened to Dr. Cuddy when she assured me you were the best."

"Don't feel bad. You would've only been the first who actually listened to her anyway." House jokes.

He then walks out of the ICU room.

Later on that night House is in his office, with only the soft light of his desk lamp illuminating it. He is leaning back in his chair in thought, when Cuddy enters.

She walks up to his desk and says, "You did good today."

"You mean my arrogant ass medical mind was right? It's a miracle!" He says with mock sarcasm.

"You may have been right with the diagnosis, but you were wrong in the way you handled the husband." Cuddy tells him.

"And that come as a surprise to you? God… I guess you don't know me then." He quips.

"I do know you. And I guess that's why it scares me. If you handle someone you don't know like that, what happens when you deal with someone close to you? How far are you going to push things?" Cuddy says concerned.

"The guy was an idiot. You're not an idiot. I can negotiate with you, because that's what we do." House tells her.

With a surprised look on her face she remarks, "We do? Because I've noted hundreds of times when you've defied my authority to do what you wanted to do?"

"Because I was right, and you knew that in the end. You trusted me." He argues.

"That's just it House. I can trust you to be right. But is there ever a time when I can trust you to be wrong." She says honestly.

"Well, I do hate operating under that pretense medically. So, I assume we're not talking professionally anymore." He observes.

"I keep going back and forth as to what I hope to get from this relationship. A part of me says something and another nothing, because I don't know how much you're willing to give. I have these hopes for what you and I can be on a personal level to a point where I think I'm delusional and belong in Mayfield." She starts to get teary eyed a bit, "I love you, House. But I wonder if it's enough for us to survive. I don't know if I have the strength to endure the hurt I could be facing on those days when you're closed off. I keep telling myself that I do, but now I'm not sure. And maybe there won't be any pain verbally, but then I wonder if I can handle things physically…when the pain gets to be too much for you to bear and you push me away. Can I be resilient? Or will I worry about you so much that I can't emotionally handle it?" She sniffs and wipes some tears away.

"For as much as you have faith in what I do, I have faith in your strength. You've been dealing with me for a long time and putting up with my crap…no one has done it better, Cuddy. How can you give up on what hasn't even started yet?" He questions.

"It's not giving up, House. It's stopping the dam before it breaks. There is so much you have to consider and can't ignore. Like Rachel…you hate sharing me and you aren't keen about kids." She notes.

"I never said I wasn't keen on kids. It's their parents who are morons. Kids are honest. They don't lie. If your breath stinks, they'll let you know. They're smart and can probably figure out how to put together something while you're still reading the directions. Plus they've got really cool toys." He says trying to lighten up the mood.

"You think I'm a moron now that I'm a parent?" She wonders.

"You're neurotic and you doubt yourself…..but you're not a moron." He tells her.

"Thanks." She says softly.

Then House says, "Besides, Rachel doesn't have your genes, so there's still hope for her."

She smiles a bit then says to him, "I need some time to think about what I want and to stop being indecisive. Until then, I don't think we should see each other."

"That might be hard, since we work in the same place." He tries to joke softly.

"I mean personally. I'm so sorry, House." And with that she walks out hiding her tears.

House is left alone in silence with his thoughts.

It's around eleven and House finds himself tinkering at the piano, since he can't sleep. His conversation with Cuddy was still embedded in his mind. Of all the women he's been in contact with, he had the most hope for a relationship with her because she knew him so well. She knew his pain. She knew his feelings of being alone. But House regretted not opening up to her more and treating her a bit better after all she's sacrificed for him. As he sat there playing, he was stopped by a knock at his door. Getting off the piano bench, he limped over to answer it.

As he opened the door, Cuddy came through it quickly with Rachel in tow, nestled asleep in her car seat saying, "She sleeps well during the night but wakes up early. I know you won't like that, but you'll have to live with it. I snore a little but you know that. Good night." She kisses him on the cheek and swiftly heads to his bedroom.

As House begins to close the front door, we see a sly grin on his face. Then it shuts.

**THE END**


End file.
